Search Results for "poorly written document"
Share January 02, 2005's comic on:
"The Weekly Wally Report is bristling with tales of success." "I gave worthless input to marketing because they weren't specific about what they wanted." "I missed Alice's project meeting because she never confirmed the location." "I gave harmful advice to the sales team because they rushed me." "I ignored my email for a week because you said to focus on priorities." "And I didn't submit my budget estimates because Asok never told me what format to ues." "How can you call any of that success??!!" "Well, I'd compare it to my written objectives, but you never gave me any."
Share April 04, 2004's comic on:
CEO: This was a productive four hour leadership meeting, Id like one of you to type up your notes and send an email to the entire company. No one took notes? The Boss: I didn't have a pen. CEO: Okay no problem, does anyone remember what we decided? The Boss: We agreed to increase...something No, decrease something. CEO: Never mind. lets try it gain on thursday at 8AM Carol: When is the next leadership meeting? The Boss: I should have written that down.
Share May 30, 2004's comic on:
"Yesterday, someone in this room gave me a document with a yellow paper clip." "I know that multicolored paper clips look 'pretty.'" "But I remind you that we are on a tight budget!" "We can't be throwing away all our money on colorful paper clips." "Do I make myself clear?!!" "I salvaged that paper clip from incoming mail." "Now excuse me while I stare at my watch and wonder how much you're paid per hour." "I'm sure you've done inefficient things that I don't know about." "Two minutes is... $5."
Share December 07, 2003's comic on:
Asok: "May I move to one of the empty cubicles?" The Boss: "Those are full-size cubicles; interns get half-size cubicles." Asok: "Yes... ordinarily, but there are hundreds of vacant cubicles because of downsizing." The Boss: "I'm not following you." Asok: "They're EMPTY! They will never be occupied. I want to use one." The Boss: "We don't have the budget to turn a full-size cubicle into a half-size cubicle just for you." "GAAA!!! That's not what I... never mind! Forget it!" "Furthermore, I do not believe this is a half-size cubicle."
Share September 17, 2000's comic on:
Dogbert approaches Dilbert and says, "I decided to become a business manager for celebrities." Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Why?" Dogbert replies, "Because banks have locks." A celebrity enters Dogbert's office. Dogbert says to the celebrity, "Everything you own has been put in my name...for...um...tax purposes." The celebrity replies, "You're such a good friend. How can I ever repay you?" Dogbert responds, "You can sign this. It gives me the rights to your life story." The celebrity signs the document. Dogbert says to him, "In the unlikely event that someone steals your fortune and you become a pathetic drug addict..." Dogbert continues, "...I can sell your story to the 'biography' channel." Dogbert says to the celebrity, "They start filming on Thursday."
Share July 14, 2013's comic on:
This website has been blocked by your company. Dilbert: Mordac, I need access to a blocked site for business reasons, Mordac: I can only unblock the site if the director of human resources sends me a written approval. Catbert: I can only make recommendations, Our Cis still has to approve it. Chief Information Officer How dare you bother me with your trivial website problem! Carol back into your hole and think about the career mistake you just made! Dilbert: Can we kip the part where you ask me what I accomplished this week?
Share August 11, 2013's comic on:
Boss: Can you approve the purchase of this software? Boss: You need to run the software license past legal first. Lawyer: You need to fill out a legal services request form. I'll email it to you. Make sure you specify whether the software is open source or not. Dilbert: How would I know if it meets your definition of open source? Lawyer: It depends how the license is written. You'll need to ask legal to review it. Dilbert: Never mind. I'll just forge your signature on the form. Lawyer: Maybe this is why I've never seen a software license.
Share September 27, 2013's comic on:
Woman: My therapist says I have low self-esteem. Dilbert: I like where this is heading. Woman: I'm drawn to guys who treat me poorly. Dilbert: You sound crazy. Woman: Jerk. Dilbert: In my defense, you send mixed signals.
Share November 07, 2013's comic on:
Dilbert: Do you know why I need to carry a company-issued phone plus my own phone? Boss: No. Dilbert: I think it's because our company policy was written by chimps who time-traveled from the fifties. Or do you have a better explanation. Boss: I really don't.
Share January 03, 2014's comic on:
Boss: Criticize the behavior, not the person. The email you sent to everyone looks as if it had been written by a monkey on crack. Just to be clear, you are terrific, but everything you do is exactly what a moron would do.