Human Resources Comic Strips - Page 23
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379 Results for Human Resources
View 221 - 230 results for human resources comic strips. Discover the best "Human Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday October 04,
2002
Tags vendor, integrates, resources, optimize, performance, technology, integrated
Transcript
Headline: The Vendor That Couldn't Describe His Company's Product. A salesman says, "It integrates the resources..." The salesman continues, "To optimize the performance of technology." Dilbert asks, "Yeah, but what is it?" The salesman responds, "Hey, if you don't want your resources to be integrated, just say so."
Friday October 18,
2002
Tags latest assignment, impossible, slow speed of light, perfect art, human cloing, eliminate garvity, stop the sun, reanimate dead, impossible tasks, change the world, nature
Transcript
Dilbert hands a piece of paper to The Garbageman and asks, "Does my latest assignment look impossible?" The Garbageman reads the paper and replies, "Let's see... You'd need to slow the speed of light, and perfect the art of human cloning..." Dilbert asks, "So there's hope?" The Garbageman responds, "Eliminate gravity, stop the sun, reanimate the dead."
Thursday September 11,
2003
Tags created time line, identified resources, revise timeline, re examine, thousand ways, haven't done anything
Transcript
Wally: "In only one week my project team has created a time line and identified the resources we need." "Next week, we plan to revise the time line and re-examine our resource needs." "Good work." "There must be a thousand ways to say I haven't done anything." "Wait.."
Thursday January 22,
2004
Tags resources, project, credibility, contradiction, ruining credibility
Transcript
Dilbert: "And that's why we can't put any more resources on your project." The Boss: "Sure we can." Dilbert: "Gaaaa!!! Why do you keep ruining my credibility?!!!" The Boss: "Good cop, bad cop." Dilbert: "If there is a god, please KILL ME NOW!!!" The Boss: "Gum?"
Saturday February 21,
2004
Tags make ted quit, aggressive replacement, share resources, job unbearable, pants, in same pants
Transcript
The boss: I hate Ted. How can I make him quit? Catbert: "That's easy." "Hire an aggressive replacement for Ted who will share his resources and make his job unbearable." Ted: "These are my pants." "Are you still here?"
Wednesday September 01,
2004
Tags scientits, unethical scientits, human clone, infomercial
Transcript
Dogbert: My wealth - building system has been verified by actual scientists. Dogbert: where can I find an unethical scientist? And if Im to busy, my human clone can do your infomercial. Dogbert: good prices.
Saturday December 18,
2004
Tags submit, resume, misguided optimism, human will see resume, email parents
Transcript
Click Submit" to post your resume on the jobs web site." "Now sit back and enjoy the misguided optimism that someday a human being will see it." "Be sure to tell your parents that you looked for a job today." "I'll e-mail them."
Monday April 11,
2005
Tags trump, free stuff, resources, free samples, rich people, marketing campaign
Transcript
Dilbert: How can I create a marketing campaign if my boss doesn't give me any resources? Dogbert: "Try giving free samples to people who look like celebrities." Dilbert: "And you would be?" TRUMP: "Donald trump. Give me some free stuff."
Friday June 10,
2005
Thursday June 16,
2005
Tags dogbert consultsincentivize the resources, grow bandwidth, end state vision, kimono, consult and blabbery, core competencies, brain dump
Transcript
Dogbert consults. Incentivize the resources to grow within their bandwidth to your end-state vision. "Don't open the Kimono until you ping the change agent for brain dump and drill down to your core competencies." "Confused look...huge invoice...this man is a victim of consult and blabbery."


