Payroll Expenses Low Comic Strips - Page 23
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229 Results for Payroll Expenses Low
View 221 - 229 results for payroll expenses low comic strips. Discover the best "Payroll Expenses Low" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday November 21,
2018
Bitter Losers
Tags boss, idea, lying, managers & supervisors, office workers, Promotion
Transcript
Boss: I'm promoting Ted for coming up with a genius idea to reduce our software expenses. Dilbert: That was actually my idea. All Ted did was tell you it was his idea. Boss: How do you put up with these bitter losers? Ted: The promotion helps.
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Monday March 04,
2019
Dilbert And Brainwashing
Tags avoidance, employees, office, office workers, sarcasm
Transcript
Boss: Why is your employee engagement so low? Dilbert: Because I'm relatively immune to brainwashing. Boss: Okay, I didn't think you knew.
Tuesday March 26,
2019
Why Is Dilbert Arrogant
Tags business, intelligence, office, office workers, relationships, arrogance
Transcript
office worker: why are you so arrogant? dilbert: that's an illusion caused be a combination of your low intelligence and my track record of being right all the time. office worker: you're being arrogant again! dibert: or am I just right?
Thursday May 23,
2019
Your Quote Is High
Tags business, computer software, office, sales, sales personnel, quote
Transcript
dilbert: your quote is a bit high. can you do it cheaper? salesman: yes, we offer a low-cost option that involves me talking about the software, but you can't have it. dilbert: what would be the point of that? salesman: you're the one who brought it up.
Sunday April 26,
2020
Dogbert Designs Headphones
Tags design, business, headphones, maximum, customer, annoyance, charging, port, guess, incorrect, frustration, fit, customers, ship, user
Transcript
dogbert: i've designed these over-ear headphones for maximum customer annoyance. the charging port is only on one side, so the user has a fifty percent chance of guessing wrong. and the charger only fits if you put it right-side up. to increase the frustration, i made the plug look the same on both sides. best of all, the plug is so poorly designed that half the time it doesn't seem to fit, even when you put it in correctly. i made the headphones black, so you can't easily find the charger hole in low light. ninety percent of users will be cursing us every time they try to recharge. customers won't know any of this until after they purchase. boss: ship it.
Saturday May 02,
2020
Carol Hoards
Tags business, health, office supplies, copy paper, hoarding, shortage, coronavirus
Transcript
dilbert wearing face mask: we're running low on copier paper. carol wearing face mask: i know. i hoarded it all at my house when someone said we might have a shortage. dilbert: can you bring some of it back? carol: that would defeat the point of hoarding.
Tuesday June 02,
2020
Face Mask Assissination
Tags health & safety, office workers, suspicion, pandemic, virus, risk
Transcript
Carol: I think we should seriously consider ending the face mask policy. Boss: You know I'm in a high-risk group, and you are in a low-risk group. Are you trying to assassinate me? Carol: You can't prove that. Boss: I was hoping for something closer to a denial.
Sunday January 24,
2021
Bad Qualities Cancel Out
Tags business, business ethics, managers & supervisors, qualities, character, cancel, micro-manage, lazy, backstabbing, brave, lie, credibility, believe, employees, success, manager, random, sarcasm
Transcript
boss: all of my bad qualities see to be canceling each other out. for example, i want to micro-manage my staff, bi=ut i'm too lazy. and i want to do some corporate backstabbing, but i'm not that brave. i enjoy lying, and i'd like to do more of it, but my credibility is so low that no one believes me. i want to mock my employees for their mistakes, but i don't understand enough about what they do to know when they are doing it wrong. i want to take credit for the successes of my employees, but i don't give them enough support to succeed. carol: our set just called. he says he is naming you the manager of the year. boss: he must be deeply uninformed. carol: yes, but he's also lazy, so he pocked you randomly.