Ruin The System Comic Strips - Page 23

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

301 Results for Ruin The System

View 221 - 230 results for ruin the system comic strips. Discover the best "Ruin The System" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumor control, #paid per rumor, #terrorit training campo, #exotic dancer, #weekends

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "I'm from the Dogbert Rumor Control Service." Dogbert says, "People are saying Ted is an exotic male dancer on weekends. I know it isn't true because he spends all of his free time in a terrorist training camp." Alice says, "Isn't that worse?" Dogbert says, "I get paid per rumor. It's not a perfect system."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #online job posting, #fantasize, #enjoyable job, #cubilce, #boss, #busted

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice thinks, "I'm addicted to our online job posting system." Alice thinks, "It helps me fantasize about having a job I could enjoy." The Boss thinks, "This can't be good." Alice says, "Oooh!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #valuable, #value, #legacy system, #less valuable, #never appear less valuable, #dress code troll

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I worry that being assigned to work on the legacy systems will make me appear less valuable in the future. Catbert: You have my word that you could never appear less valuable than you are now. Gilbert: Why do your assurances make me feel worse? Catbert: Your new dress code is "troll."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #scheduling, #business jargon, #surprised, #impressed, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Let's schedule a scenario-based roundtable discussion about our enterprise project management." The Boss says, "We'll use our infrastructure survey tool to architect a risk-based tiering system." Dilbert says, "That almost meant something." Wally says, "I'm tempted to stop acting randomly."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #security access, #canceled, #accident, #mistake, #scared, #fugitive, #nervous, #invisible, #teach, #useless, #hvac, #breathing, #cubicle, #blend in, #secuirty guard

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "My security access was accidentally canceled and now I'm a fugitive." The Boss says, "Can you teach me to be as useless as you are so I'm invisible for all practical purposes?" Guard says, "I hear breathing but it must be the HVAC system." Wally says, "Be the cubicle."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nose job, #health insurance, #surgery, #cloth over nose, #good deal, #veterinarian, #dog nose, #squirrel, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok says, "Our health plan doesn't cover nose jobs, so I used the market system to bargain for a good deal." Asok says, "I learned that a veterinarian is just like a doctor, but cheaper." Asok says, "Do you smell a squirrel?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #question, #cubicle, #fix bugs, #control management software, #lie, #truth, #square dance, #ignorance, #pleaser

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "How long will it take to fix the bugs in our control management software?" Dilbert says, "Do you want a realistic estimate that will ruin your day, or a lie that will allow your ignorance and your happiness to lock arms and square dance to the next cubicle?" The Boss says, "That second option sounds festive." Dilbert says, "I'm a pleaser."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mordac, #preventer of information services, #upgrade computer, #vampire, #evil smile, #panic, #caveman, #complain, #costumes

View Transcript

Transcript

Mordac the Preventer of Information Services Mordac says, "It's time for your operating system upgrade." Dilbert says, "Gaaa!" Dilbert says, "Please don't! My CMS software won't work with the new operating system. I'll be a technology have-not!" The Boss says, "It's never good when they wear costumes to complain." Dilbert says, "Ooga"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #upgrade, #cellphone, #clerk, #sport chair, #laptop, #stare

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I'd like to waste the better part of my afternoon trying to upgrade my phone." Dilbert says, "I'll just set up my sport chair, and use my laptop while you mumble and stare at your monitor for what seems like forever." Dilbert says, "Look at me! I'm beating your system!" Man says, "Quiet! I'm trying to stare."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #selfishness, #rudeness, #sales, #internet, #confusion, #sabotage, #business, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

The lucky sales guy man says, "My sales quotas were set too low. I plan to buy a yacht with my commissions." man says, "Would you mind programming the navigation system so I can get drunk while my boat takes me places?" Asok says, "Why are you researching where all the pirates attack?" Dilbert says, "It's better if you don't know."