Same Policies Comic Strips - Page 23

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

396 Results for Same Policies

View 221 - 230 results for same policies comic strips. Discover the best "Same Policies" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #potential customers, #regular vendor, #worked, #detailed quote

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I worked every night for a month to come up with a detailed quote for one of our potential customers. Then those weasels used our quote to get a better price from their regular vendor! Dilbert: Did you really do all of that work? Wally: No, but it nets out the same.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #twins, #version of dlibert, #clone, #stylish and cool, #math, #ugly people, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Dilbert, this is Lars. He's a better version of you. This is what you would look like if you were stylish and cool and fun to be with. Dilbert: Can it do math? Man: That will matter on the same day that all the ugly people die.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #twins, #meeting, #clone, #cooler clone, #clear view, #engine purr, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Is it awkward being in the same meeting as a cooler version of yourself? Scoot back so I can get a clear view. This guy really makes my engine purr. A little more.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #capitalism, #electronic mail, #colorful opions, #email, #advertising plan, #discoverable record, #describing advertising, #pinocchio doing backstroke

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Please stop using email to express your colorful opinions of our marketing campaign. We don't need a discoverable record of you describing our advertising plan as "Pinocchio doing the backstroke in Satan's septic tank." Remember that capitalism without deniability is the same as poverty. Dilbert: Eh?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #new strategy, #nimble, #meeting, #business plan, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Our new strategy is to be nimble. Dilbert: Is that the same as saying our strategy is to have no strategy? CEO: Just do your job. Dilbert: Can I be nimble instead?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #millennial employee, #bureacracy, #poor communication, #task force, #regular updates, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our millennial employees keep quitting because of our bureaucracy and poor communication. CEO: Form three task forces to look into it. But don't tell any of the task forces that there are two others doing the same thing. Boss: Should I give you regular updates? CEO: Nah.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sleeping & waking up, #famous genouses, #sleep, #4 hours sleep, #correlation, #oversleeper, #causation, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Some of the most famous geniuses in the world slept only four hours per night. I'm doing four hours a night too because you know what they say: correlation is the same thing as causation. Dilbert: No one says that. Boss: Oh, right. And I should take the word of an oversleeper.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #ad company, #deceptive and abusive, #mobile app, #crying

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired the Dogbert Ad Company to build some deceptive and abusive ads for our mobile app. Dogbert: I prefer to call our ads "effective." It means the same thing. Our most effective ad looks like a text message from your doctor saying he can't stop crying.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #absent mindedness, #frustration, #design, #specs, #deadlines, #schedule, #incompetence

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: Did you finish the design according to my specs? Dilbert: Yep. Coworker: Hypothetically, if I had forgotten to mention several features, would that be a problem? And let's say the deadline is still the same. Dilbert: No problem. I always plan my schedule around your incompetence.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #best customers, #combo pack, #creepy bearded guys, #potato chips, #retail business, #tissues

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Research shows that your best customers are creepy bearded guys. That same group also buys a high volume of potato chips and tissues. Boss: How's that help us? Dogbert: Two words: Combo Pack.