Change Subject Comic Strips - Page 23

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284 Results for Change Subject

View 221 - 230 results for change subject comic strips. Discover the best "Change Subject" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Knows How To Negotiate

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Dilbert Knows How To Negotiate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deadlines, #delivery, #management, #negotiating, #negotiation, #reorganization

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Negotiations Continue. Salesman: I can't meet your delivery deadline unless you agree to my price today. Dilbert: If you don't agree to my price today, management is likely to do a reorg soon and change its mind about this project. Salesman: How often does that happen? Dilbert: It hasn't happened since breakfast, so we're overdue.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deadline, #expectation, #impossible, #irrational, #leadership, #motivation, #rationality

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Boss: How many days will it take to finish the tests? Dilbert: Three. Boss: You have two. Dilbert: I can't do it in two days. That's why I said three. Boss: That was before I used my leadership skills to tell you to do it in two days. Dilbert: Leadership doesn't change the laws of physics. The test takes three days. Boss: You have two. Leadership! These test results look incomplete. Dilbert: Just like my soul.

Male Parts And Nothing Can Change It

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Male Parts And Nothing Can Change It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discrimination, #fairness, #money, #salary, #sexism, #wages, #Women, #male body parts

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CEO: I explained to Alice why I earn more than she does, but she refuses to understand. I'm taller and I have male reproductive body parts. That's what stockholders care about, and nothing can change that. (Alice whistles as she walks with a pair of scissors and a mallet.)

Pipe Down, Coffee Intern

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Pipe Down, Coffee Intern - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #board meeting, #change, #coffee, #demotion, #ego, #ideas, #Promotion, #intern, #new ideas

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Asok: Is it wise to ride your coffee intern to a board meeting? Wally: Pipe down, coffee intern. If you were capable of thinking like a leader, you would be a VP too. Dilbert: Demoted already? Wally: The board does not like new ideas.

Agree With Idiots To Gain Trust

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Agree With Idiots To Gain Trust - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #condescention, #condescending, #agreement, #mocking, #insult, #insulting

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Boss: Stop agreeing with me in ways that sound like you don't mean it. Dilbert: Experts say one should first agree with idiots to gain trust before trying to change their minds. Boss: You need to stop doing that. Dilbert: You are so right about that.

Dogbert Advises Dilbert On Escaping

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Dogbert Advises Dilbert On Escaping - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #identity, #hacker, #hacking, #government, #manhunt, #technology, #money, #ruse, #trick, #greed, #betrayal

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Dilbert: The government threatened to kill me if I don't sell them my anti-hacker app. Dogbert: You should change your identity, give me everything you own, and move to an undisclosed location. Dilbert: Will we have a secret way to stay in contact? Dogbert: You're becoming a burden.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #watch, #technology, #signal, #symbol, #time, #punctual, #fitbit, #wearable tech, #outdated, #change

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Alice: I used to enjoy pointing to my watch and mocking people for being late. But it isn't as fun as it used to be. Dilbert: Is your step count low again?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #antisocial, #conversation, #uncomfortable, #awkward, #Women, #technology, #discussion

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Tina: It is hard to be a woman in this industry. Dilbert: I'll let you take this one. Wally: Got it. I'm short, bald, and nearsighted. I have no ambition, and I have all the sign of being a sociopath. I am unattractive and too old for the tech industry., I am shaped like a sad turnip and I do not make people laugh. Alice: What are you hens clucking about now? Tina: I can't begin to tell you how much I want to change the subject.

New Office Layout Will Improve Efficiency

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New Office Layout Will Improve Efficiency - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #layout, #office, #desk, #work environment, #efficiency, #catch-22, #loophole, #laziness, #excuse

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Wally: Do you really believe that your plan to change the office layout will boost efficiency? Boss: Of course it will. The physical environment makes a huge difference. Wally: Good. I missed all of my deadlines because of our current office layout is bad.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #change, #fear, #power, #executives, #decision, #threat, #hypocrisy

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CEO: You must learn to embrace change. Dilbert: Can we change anything we want to change? CEO: No. You don't get to say what the changes are. I do that. Alice: Will that situation ever change? CEO: No. Alice: Why not? You said change is good. CEO: Change is good. For other people. So embrace it or I'll fire you. Employees: We love change!!!