Technology Magazine Comic Strips - Page 23

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View 221 - 230 results for technology magazine comic strips. Discover the best "Technology Magazine" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo's meeting, #boos, #Dilbert, #status on technology, #platform migration, #nothing to hide, #100 drunken clowns, #beed in their underpants, #decline in morale, #pretending tow ork, #get fired, #hide things

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CEO Meeting The Boss: "I brought Dilbert in case you have any technical questions." CEO: "What's the status on the technology platform migration project?" The Boss: "Be completely honest. We have nothing to hide." Dilbert: "Well, okay." "The project is like a hundred drunken clowns with bees in their underpants." "I expect the decline in morale to lead to violence." "Most of us are only pretending to work while secretly hoping the project gets canceled after you get fired by the board." "It turns out that we did have a few things to hide."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happy birthday, #50 years old, #entire life, #delusional thing, #old man, #office, #computer, #aging, #dementia, #life changes, #technology

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Dilbert: "Happy birthday. What's it feel like to be 50?" "It's great! I've never felt better in my entire life!" "So it's sort of a delusional thing?" "Yes, luckily."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #software, #budget, #computer, #tiny mittens, #thermometer, #hell, #your turn, #nice guy, #intern, #abused, #mean coworkers, #technology, #engineering

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Asok: I need this software to do my job. The Boss: "The software budget is spent. Just share a computer with someone who has this software." Alice: "Why don't you take your tiny mittens and a thermometer to hell and wait for a sign that it's your turn."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #use old technology, #get funded, #raise issue, #any issues, #old technology, #works fine, #new technology buggy

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Alice: Our pointy-haired boss is insisting we use old technology because he thinks it will be easier to get it funded. "You should raise that issue at the meeting." "We'll back you up." Dilbert: "Absolutely." The Boss: "Are there any issues?" Asok: "You're making us use old technology just to make your job easier." "Does anyone else think that?" "No." "No." "No." "The old technology works fine." "New technology is too buggy." "What was that?!!" "It's just something we do."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #options, #costs too much, #any research, #experience thing, #using technology

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Wally: I narrowed down the options to an alternative that costs too much and another that won't work. I didn't do any research. It's more of an experience sort of thing. Next week I plan to think about the option of using technology that isn't yet available."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #set up meeting, #review board, #new technologies, #decide, #answer question

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The boss: "Carol, set up a meeting with the technology review board to decide how we'll decide on new technologies." Carol: "Do you also need a meeting to decide how you will put together a meeting to decide how to decide things?" "Maybe I should get some people together to help you answer that question." The Boss: "Maybe."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tesks, #intern, #anti meeting spell, #traffic estimates, #barraged with questions, #fights ensue, #new service, #web application, #all technology, #internet bubble, #platform

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Asok: "I didn't have time to finish my tasks for this meeting." Wally: "No problem." "If you get cornered, read this powerful anti-meeting spell." "Asok, did you finish the traffic estimates?" Asok: "Um...I was wondering if our new service is Web 2.0 or Web 1.0." "Obviously it's a Web 2.0 application because of the tag-based folksonomies." "No it isn't. All of our technology existed before the Internet bubble." "'When' doesn't matter. It only matters that we use the Web as a platform!" "Everything is a platform!" Asok: "Freaky."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #carpet fishing, #devised a game, #computer, #string, #randomly picks location, #hooked fish marlin, #salmon, #killing time, #technology

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Alice: "What are you doing?" Dilbert: "Carpet fishing." "It's a sport I invented." "I divided the carpet in my cubicle into a numbered grid." "Then I wrote a computer program that randomly picks a carpet location and a type of fish about once an hour." "If it picks the carpet location where I happen to be dangling this string, it means I hooked a fish." "Yesterday I caught a marlin." "Did you come here for some reason other than to spoil the salmon run?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #flash, #java script, #website, #fast guy in tights, #movie about coffee, #code words, #remember, #technology

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The Boss: Then we program the web site using a fast guy in tights and a movie about coffee. "Correct me if I'm wrong." Dilbert: "We use flash and java script." "I said 'IF'!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tech support, #original problem, #crazy or liar, #both, #computer, #technology

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Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert: "No one else has ever reported that problem." "That means you are either crazy or a liar." Man: "It's a little of both, but how did you know?" DOgbert: "I can see through your computer."