Walk Past Comic Strips - Page 23
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View 221 - 230 results for walk past comic strips. Discover the best "Walk Past" comics from Dilbert.com.
Carol says, "For the past five years I've managed your calendar based solely on what would create the least work for me." Carol says, "It all started when you told me to use my judgment to set priorities." Carol says, "In retrospect, you should have hired someone with low self-esteem."
The Boss says, "Interview this applicant and tell me if he's right for our company." Wally says, "Tim, we don't set the bar as high as we used to."<BRWally says, "In our golden days, we insisted on employees who could work tirelessly through the night." Wally says, "As business slowed, we were happy with anyone who put in eight hours a day." Wally says, "then our best people left." Wally says, "Now on cubicles are mostly used for napping." Wally says, "So my question is this: Would a ringing phone wak you up?" Tim says, "Probably." Wally says, "He comes across as a braggart."
Catbert says, "For the past six months you've done nothing but update your Facebook page." Catbert says, "Now we have an opening for a marketing manager for social networks and you're totally qualified. It's a huge raise and promotion." Man says, "Crime pays! I knew it!!!" Catbert says, "We're hoping you can lie as well as you steal."
Coworker says, "What do you think of my plan, Alice?" Alice says, "I'll bet your left brain is so tiny that you stagger in a clockwise direction." Coworker says, "I'll ask someone else." Alice says, "Walk toward the credenza and you'll have a good chance of hitting the doorway."
Alice says, "Is this how you really write, or did birds walk on your keyboard?" Alice says, "I only need your opinion on the technical part of it." Alice says, "Okay, let's assume that your readers will know what you mean by 'blobbing on the ethernet.'"
Dilbert: Do you have a minute? Boss: I'm on my way to a meeting. Follow me. We'll walk and talk. Dilbert: I don't see how this can possibly work. You can barely concentrate when you're sitting perfectly still. When you add the extra complexity of walking, it's like asking a squirrel to land a 747. Boss: Must... prove underling... wrong... Noise: BONK! Dilbert: I didn't know that being right could feel so good.
Dilbert: We're out of time and we accomplished absolutely nothing, thanks to your non-stop talking. Coworker: When do I get my trophy for participating? Dilbert: Someone was raised with too much self-esteem. Coworker: Watch me walk!
Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!
Dilbert: Once again, none of you responded to my emails this past week. So I put together a project time line that reflects neither consensus nor reality. Wally: Can I have a copy so I can mock it? Dilbert: No, I'm still enjoying the illusion of progress.