Management Comic Strips - Page 23
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341 Results for Management
View 221 - 230 results for management comic strips. Discover the best "Management" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday June 21,
2002
Tags accounting records, congress, erasing memories, impenetrable complications, management, outside firm, project team, hit head, hammer on head, knocked on head, Politics
Transcript
Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, my project team has added impenetrable complications to our accounting records." Dilbert says to The Boss, "And an outside firm is erasing all memories from senior management." The Boss asks, "How do they do that?" Dogbert holds a hammer. He says to a manager with a huge bump on his head, "Okay, you're ready to talk to congress." The injured manager replies, "Thank you."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday April 30,
2002
Tags perfromance evaluation, seven layers, sign, boss sign evaluation, manage myself
Transcript
The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, write a performance evaluation of yourself for me to sign." Alice replies, "What will our seven layers of management be doing while I manage myself?? Alice continues, "Sorry. I'll ding myself for that on my evaluation." The Boss says, "If you can't find me, have Carol sign my name."
Sunday April 28,
2002
Tags meeting with favorites, management perspective, top priority, price, service, circles are round, flew in, ate up time, stole a day, revenge
Transcript
The Boss walks into a meeting and says, "Hey, it's a meeting with our favorite customers!" The Boss continues, "It's lucky I was passing by." The Boss continues, "I don't know what this meeting is about but I'm sure it needs some management perspective." The Boss continues, "Our top priority is quality. Our other top priority is price.. and service.. and ..." Headline: One Hour Later. The Boss concludes, "And that's why circles are round." The customer looks at her watch and says, "We flew here for this meeting and you used up all of our time saying nothing." The customer stands up and exclaims, "You stole a day of my life! I will hunt you to the end of time! Revenge will be mine!" The Boss and Dilbert are alone in the conference room. The Boss says, "Is it just me or is that phrase starting to be overused?"
Saturday April 27,
2002
Tags management decision, too distarcted, make informed decison, random, no answer
Transcript
Dilbert says to The Boss, "...And that's why I need a management decision." The Boss says, "Hi, Bill!" Dilbert says, "But you are too distracted to make an informed decision, so this will be random." The Boss says, "Bob!" Dilbert says, "And here it comes." The Boss replies, "Would 'No' be an answer to anything you said?"
Sunday April 21,
2002
Tags 50 management, interpretor, jargin, languages, mumble, mumble mumble, pointy haired dialct
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "...And the most critical part of your objective is..." All that comes from The Boss' mouth is, "Mumble, mumble, mumble." Dilbert turns and asks, "What?" The Boss continues, "Mumble, mumble, mumble." Dilbert gets up and says, "I'll be right back. I need an interpreter who speaks mumble." Dilbert comes back with a coworker, whom he introduces to The Boss. Dilbert says, "This is Allen. He speaks fifty management languages including jargon, weaselease and mumble." The Boss turns to Allen and says, "Mumble, mumble, mumble." Allen replies, "Mumble, mumble, mumble." Allen reports to Dilbert, "I'm a bit rusty with the pointy-haired dialect but I think he wants you to line dance in a gazebo."
Sunday March 24,
2002
Tags bad management, company dying, customer centric, four small groups, participation, skits, electricity
Transcript
The Boss addresses a meeting, "Our company is dying.. but not because of bad management." The Boss continues, "It's because we're not.." He points to a slide that says, "Customer centric." Wally raises his hand and says, "Well, I for one feel better knowing we have correctly identified the problem." Wally turns to Dilbert and says, "That was a little thing I call participation; you should try it." The Boss says, "Now let's break into four small working groups." The Boss continues, "And develop skits based on our new focus of customer centricity." Dilbert says, "Um.. there are only four of us." He pauses and then says, "Wait.. nevermind." The Boss sits at the conference table alone and thinks, "I'll call my skit 'The Electricity of Customer Centricity."
Sunday February 24,
2002
Tags god of management time, insatiable appetite, kronos, manipulate perception, month, plenty of time, states reprts, upgrade servers, side effects
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Upgrade all of our network servers by Tuesday." Dilbert responds, "That's impossible. I need at least a month." The Boss replies, "Oh, it's impossible. Watch this." The Boss yells, "I summon Kronos, The God of Management Time!!" A man in a pink suit and hat comes and says, "I, Kronos, will manipulate your perception of time." Kronos hits The Boss on the head with his wand. Dilbert responds, "I don't see how that helps..." Kronos explains, "When he wakes up he will believe there is plenty of time and that you are a weasel." Dilbert asks, "Any side effects?" Kronos replies, "Just an insatiable appetite for status reports."
Thursday September 13,
2001
Tags accounting system, dysfunctional, meaningless, payroll exppenses, zero, management genius
Transcript
Asok and Ed are sitting at a computer. Ed looks irritated. Asok says, "Your accounting system is so dysfunctional that the results are meaningless." Asok continues, "How is it possible that no one has noticed?" Ed replies, "I've always wondered about that." The Boss is sitting at his desk. He thinks to himself, "My payroll expenses are zero again. I'm a management genius."
Tuesday September 04,
2001
Tags profits down, profits went up, putting in context, senior mangement, weak economy, meeting, business
Transcript
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "Profits are down. Our senior management blames the weak economy." Dilbert responds, "So they're saying that profits went UP because of great management and DOWN because of a weak economy?" The Boss responds, annoyed, "These meetings will go faster if you stop putting things in context." Dilbert replies quietly, "Sorry."
Sunday April 29,
2001
Tags slump, make changes, management style, paternal, new management style, we hate employees, volunteer, nineties, kick off, kick intern, bent over
Transcript
The boss addressing Wally and Dilbert says, "Our industry is in a slump. We need to make changes." Pointing to a slide of Asok being handed an ice-cream cone, the boss says, "Our current mangement style could be described as paternal." Pointing to a slide of a man getting kicked, the boss says, "Our new management style doesn't have a name yet." Asok, waving his arm, says, "Ooh ooh! I have a suggestion." Asok continues, "The new management style could be called 'We hate our employees.'" The boss says, "Not bad." The boss says, "I need a volunteer to help with the 'Back to the nineties' kick-off." Asok bends over preparing to be kicked as he asks, "How is this like the nineties?" The boss, about to kick, says, "Stop wiggling."

