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Dogbert enters the living room carrying the newspaper. He thinks, "Oh good, Dogbert isn't around. I can read the Sunday paper without having to share." Dilbert sits in his chair and thinks, "Ahhh . . . Mine are the first hands to unfold its crisp little pages. I alone determine the order of reading." Dilbert thinks, "Nobody will blurt out the punchlines before I read them." Dogbert flies through the air onto Dilbert's lap. Dogbert knocks the chair over and the paper scatters on the floor. Dogbert asks, "Were you finished with this section?"
Dilbert stands across from the Boss's desk. The Boss tells Dilbert, "This is a very interesting employee suggestion." Dilbert replies, "Thank you, sir." The Boss says, "If I read this correctly . . ." The Boss continues, "You observed that everybody is smarter than his boss . . ." Dilbert says, "Exactly . . . So we all just switch jobs with our bosses and boost productivity by 200 percent!!" The Boss says, "I've decided to do a limited trial . . ." A janitor enters the room and tells Dilbert, "Something died in the stairwell. Take care of it."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "I read that half of all teenagers can't locate this country on a map." Dilbert continues, "One frustrated teacher handed out maps labeled 'you are here.'" Dilbert continues, "She spent the rest of the year trying to explain why the 'X' doesn't move when you drive around."
Dilbert reads a letter and tells Dogbert, "My credit card has been canceled. The stupid bank's computer thinks I died." Dilbert continues, "This is an opportunity for some righteous indignation. I love that." Dilbert dials the telephone. A customer service representative answers the phone and says, "Hello, credit card department, an underpaid employee speaking." The man says, "Well, yes, apparently you are alive, but it would be very difficult to reprogram the computer . . ." Dilbert replies, "I'm sure you'll find a solution." A woman at the bank asks, "Kill him?" The man replies, "Unless you'd RATHER read this computer manual."
Dilbert asks Bob the Dinosaur, "Are you saying dinosaurs are incapable of lying?" Bob replies, "Almost." Bob looks at Dawn the Dinosaur and continues, "Dawn and I taught ourselves some simple lies for survival . . . We'll show you . . ." Bob says, "I've never been tempted to read the 'National Enquirer.'" Dawn says, "I only watch the news and some educational programs."
Dilbert shows Dogbert a photo album and says, "This is Uncle Phil before he died hang gliding." Dogbert asks, "Did he hit a tree?" Dilbert replies, "Let's just say he didn't read the hang glider manual very carefully." Uncle Phil stands on top of a hang glider with a noose around his neck. The other end of the rope is attached to a tree. He thinks, "I wonder if there's another reason it's called hang gliding. Nah . . ."
Dogbert sits on the hassock and Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs sit on the floor. Dogbert says, "I read that dinosaurs evolved into the bird family." Bob replies, "That's exactly correct, Dogbert." Bob continues, "But most people don't realize that there was a very difficult period when some dinosaurs started evolving into birds." Bob continues, "Learning how to fly was the hardest part." Several dinosaurs jump off a cliff and land on their heads. Another dinosaur straps on a helmet. Bob continues, "And living in trees was a real nuisance." A dinosaur clings to a branch as it falls to the ground. Dogbert says, "Boy, that sounds tough." Bob says, "The tragic part is that we did it just for the 'bonus miles.'"
Dogbert stands on a desk and says, "Okay, class . . . Put your weapons away and open your TV Guides." Dogbert continues, "Timmy, please read aloud the passage from 'Falcon Crest' under the Friday listings." Dogbert thinks, "There's got to be a better way to teach sex education."
Dilbert sits at his desk writing and Dogbert watches him. Dilbert says, "I'm writing a poem for a woman I just met. Women love poems." Dilbert reads the poem entitled, "Your Legs." Dilbert reads, "How wonderful your legs are, / You can even ask my mutt . . ." Dilbert continues to read, "'Cause if you didn't have 'em, / the ground would hit your butt."
Dogbert sits on a pillow and thinks, "Maybe I should write a book." Dogbert thinks, "Nah . . . Maybe I should just read a book." Dogbert thinks as he walks through the house, "Maybe I'll just read the tv guide . . . Maybe I'll just watch whatever's on and turn into pudding . . ."