Replace Myself Comic Strips - Page 23

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

262 Results for Replace Myself

View 221 - 230 results for replace myself comic strips. Discover the best "Replace Myself" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #arch nemesis, #ttp, #ttp project, #join

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Wally would you like to be on my 'TTP' project? Wally: What does 'TTP' stand for? Dilbert: Its short for the TTP Project. Dilbert: I named it myself, So, do you want to join? wally: Id rather be your arch nemesis.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #process engineering consultant, #totally objective, #dont care, #right attitude, #flowing robe, #cherubs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "You should hire me as your process reengineering consultant." "I would be totally objective about what jobs to eliminate. Frankly, I don't care about anybody at your company!" Dilbert: "You've got the right attitude." Dogbert: "I think I'll wear a flowing robe and surround myself with cherubs."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #patron saint, #technology, #heal broken hearts, #demons, #stupidity, #spiritual side

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I declare myself the patron saint of technology. I heal broken technology with my right paw and I use the scepter to drive out the demons of stupidity. Dilbert: I don't think Ive seen your spiritual side before. Dogbert: OUT! OUT!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #synthetic pheremone, #irresitable, #cafe, #waiter, #paid off, #kill, #mace myself

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "I'm wearing a synthetic pheremone scent that makes me irresistible. It should kick in any minute." Tina: "Uh-oh." Tina: "Waiter! Here's three hundred dollars. If I start to flirt with him, kill him!" Dilbert: "So far so good" Tina: "I've got to...mace...myself..."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laptop, #ratbert, #Dilbert, #pictures, #mom

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk working on a laptop. Ratbert says, "I noticed I wasn't in any of your old photo albums, so I pasted myself into a few key places." Ratbert shows Dilbert the album and says, "Here I am hugging you when you're a baby . . . Basically I put myself over all the pictures of this ugly woman." Dilbert says, "That ugly woman is my mom." Ratbert says, "Hey! I didn't raise you to talk bad about other people!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #phil, #office, #computer, #cubicle, #stealing, #chair

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sneaks into a cubicle and thinks, "If the warehouse won't replace my broken chair, I'll just take one from somebody else." Dilbert reaches for a chair and thinks, "Technically, it's not stealing because the chair belongs to the company either way." Dilbert thinks, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Phil the Ruler of Heck stands behind Dilbert and says into a walkie-talkie, "Hold the elevator . . . Over."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #restaurant, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #waitress

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert tells the waitress, ". . . And no onions." The waitress replies, "Very good, sir." Dilbert hands her the menu and says, "You didn't write it down. You aren't even intending to get it right." The server replies, "This way there's no incriminating paper trail . . . Just your word against mine." The waitress glares at Dilbert and says, "When you complain about getting the wrong meal I'll look at you like this." The waitress continues, "Then I'll roll my eyes, causing you to wonder whether you misspoke when you ordered." The waitress continues, "I'll offer to replace the meal but you know that will take forever and also come out wrong." The waitress laughs hysterically. The waitress asks Dogbert, "And for you?" Dogbert says, "Number five, hold the demonic hatred."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ratbert, #Dilbert, #computer, #singing, #barry manilow

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk and Ratbert stands on the monitor. Ratbert says, "I figured that you would respect me more if I had some sort of talent." Ratbert says, "So I taught myself to sing Barry Manilow's greatest hits while slapping my head rhythmically." Ratbert sings, "A-a-at the Copa (slap) ow! Copa Cabana (slap) ow!" Dilbert says, "I'm actually enjoying this and it deeply disturbs me."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert asks Dogbert, ". . . So I thought you might use some of your newly won millions to fund my 'Bioworld' science experiment." Dilbert shows Dogbert an illustration and explains, "It's a complete ecology enclosed in an airtight dome. The survival of the volunteers would depend on my foresight and engineering skills." Dilbert says, "Gee, I thought it would be harder to talk you into it." Dogbert says as he writes a check, "I get to pick the volunteers myself."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #alice, #board room, #brainstorming

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let's start with a brainstorming exercise. Alice, you go first." Alice closes her eyes and says, "I imagine myself not surrounded by dull, unattractive, and largely clueless men." Alice says, "Mmmm . . ." Dilbert says, "I think she just insulted you guys."