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Ted: "He's explaining something that I already understand. I've got to stop him." Dilbert: "Blah blah blah." Ted: "I'll try vigorous nodding and agreeing, plus closed body language." Dilbert: "Blah blah blah." "Right right right." Dilbert: "And have I ever told you how 'velcro' works?" TED: "Maybe if I block the oxygen to my brain..."
Dilbert sits in front of the Christmas tree in his bathrobe. Dilbert says to Dogbert, who is tearing open his presents, "You really put the family through some major gift-giving guilt this week, Dogbert." Ratbert asks, "Family? Does that include little Ratbert?" Dilbert hands Ratbert a gift and says, "Welcome to the family, Ratbert." Dogbert says, "Don't expect much of an allowance."
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, "I made it through the fire-walking seminar uninjured by wearing asbestos lined socks." Dilbert continues, "People always laughed because I lined my undergarments with asbestos - but who's laughing NOW?" Dogbert asks, "Have you always feared your butt would catch on fire?" Dilbert replies, "It's not the kind of thing you leave to chance."
Dogbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I saved the company a fortune by sending the headquarters staff on one-way business trips." Dogbert continues as he types, "They haven't wasted money on any stupid projects all day . . . Now I can leak my strategy to the media and exercise my stock options at the uptick." The caption says, "Somewhere in Iowa." Dilbert stands in front of a farm and a dog growls at him. Dilbert says to a woman who is pointing a rifle at him, "Uh . . . I'm here for a meeting." The woman asks, "Did anybody see you?"
An employee stands in front of Dogbert's desk and says, ". . . Our pay is too low, and there's no clear leadership. And we want parking spaces." Dogbert presses a level and the man falls through a trap door in the floor. There is a flushing noise. Dogbert thinks, "All things considered, I think I enjoy them more when they're disgruntled."
Dilbert sits at his desk. A man asks, "Have I told you recently that I have a lucrative job offer from our competitor?" Dilbert replies, "Yes." The man continues, "The pay is obscene, they wear casual clothes at work, and Wednesday through Friday is free beer and pizza." The man continues, "As the new guy I get to date the masseuse until the company matches me with an attractive co-worker." Dilbert covers his eyes and sobs.
Dilbert and Dogbert walk through the park. Dogbert says, "I was thinking about how much I enjoy our conversations." Dogbert continues, "They're consistently witty and intellectually stimulating." Dogbert continues, "Then I realized that all of the witty and intellectually stimulating stuff comes from me." Dogbert continues, "Naturally I started wondering what was the point of even having you along." Dogbert continues, "Then I thought about lightning and how it always hits the tallest object." Dogbert continues, "So there IS a slight statistical advantage to having you nearby." A bolt of lightning strikes Dilbert and knocks him off his feet. Dilbert lies on the ground and says, "You aren't going to be witty now, are you?" Dogbert replies, "How can you say that? I'm shocked!"
Dogbert stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk and says, "I'm a 'blame consultant.'" The Boss thinks, "I've seen him before." Dogbert explains, "For a large fee I will tell the workers that the problems in the company are THEIR fault, not yours. It's the latest management fad." The Boss asks, "Won't they see right through that?" Dogbert asks, "Is that MY fault??!"
Dilbert walks through the house wearing an apron and thinking, "The water for my spaghetti should be boiling by now." Ratbert stands in the pot of water on the stove. Ratbert says to Dilbert, "Oops! You caught me. I usually finish hot tubbing before you get back." Dogbert sits on the hassock and Dilbert sits on the floor leaning against the hassock. Dogbert says, "It raises a big question mark about the capers." Dilbert asks, "Capers?"
Dilbert bends over tying his shoelace. He tells Dogbert, "Maybe I'm unlucky in love because I'm so knowledgeable about science that I intimidate people." Dilbert continues, "Their intimiidation becomes low self-esteem, then they reject me to protect their egos." Dogbert says, "Occam's razor." They walk through the park. Dilbert asks, "What is 'Occam's razor'?" Dogbert answers, "A guy named Occam had a rule about the world." Dogbert continues, "Basically, he said that when there are multiple explanations for something, the simplest explanation is usually correct." They sit down on some rocks. Dogbert continues, "The simplest explanation for your poor love life is that you're immensely unattractive." Dilbert says, "Maybe Occam had another rule that specifically exempted this situation, but his house burned down with all his notes. Then he forgot." Dogbert says, "Occam's razor." Dilbert asks, "I'm an idiot?" Dogbert replies, "I don't think we can rule it out at this point."