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Dilbert stands at the front of the room giving a presentation. A man sitting at the conference table says, "Be candid, Dilbert. We have a corporate philosophy that says we 'don't shoot the messenger.'" Dilbert replies, "Good." Dilbert points to a diagram and says, "Had you consulted with the engineering department, you never would have launched such an ill-conceived product." Dilbert continues, "It is doomed to fail. You will all be humiliated and probably fired." A woman holding a rifle shouts, "Can't I just wing him?!!" A man says, "No, Eileen, that's not our philosophy." Dilbert arrives at home with tar and feathers on his body. He tells Dogbert, "It turns out the corporate philosophy is a very flexible document." Dogbert says, "You're getting tar on the carpet."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "I've been considering acupuncture as a way to relieve stress." Dogbert asks, "The theory here is that sticking large needles into your body will help you relax?" Dilbert replies, "It sounds silly when YOU say it." Dogbert says, "Sometimes sarcasm helps us think more clearly."
Dilbert: Yikes! What are you?! Ego: Do not panic. I am your ego. My ego??...shouldn't you be inside me someplace? Ego: Well, yes, normally we egos feed within the body. Dilbert: So what the heck are you doing out here? Ego: You're starving me, man. I'm going to try out for a play or something.
Dilbert walks down the hall thinking, "Sometimes I feel like a kid in an adult's body, hoping nobody notices." Dilbert thinks, "It's as if I stopped maturing and just started faking it after age fourteen." Dilbert passes a woman and thinks, "I'll bet women never feel that way." The woman thinks, "Cooties."
Dogbert sits in a chair and Dilbert stands in front of him. Dilbert asks, "If I died tomorrow, what would you write on my tombstone?" Dogbert replies, "I always assumed there would be no tombstone." Dilbert says, "Ah . . . You would have me cremated." Dogbert replies, "Or stuffed, whichever is cheaper."
Dilbert: One more adjustment and my trans-dimensional radio will be complete. Man: Welcome to the land of overused phrases. Man 2: Boy, they let any-body in here. Dilbert: Uh... Hi, how are you? Both Men: Not bad for a Wednesday! Man 1: Let me give you the tencent tour. Man 2: OUch! I"ll just walk on the bottoms. Dogbert: You know, swimming is the best form of exercise. Both Men: The chosen one!! Dogbert: Nah. I'm just pulling your legs.
Dogbert says to Dilbert, "I've decided to make some dog friends, but I don't even know what other dogs do when they get together." Dilbert replies, "Well, I suppose they would bark like idiots, run around in circles, and sniff every part of your body." Dogbert says, "I guess 'Scrabble' is out of the question."