Ability To Love Comic Strips - Page 23

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268 Results for Ability To Love

View 221 - 230 results for ability to love comic strips. Discover the best "Ability To Love" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags international pop star, downloaded cd, burned guitar, poor, made no money, manager stole

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"Your last job was international pop star?" "Right." "Hey, I recognize you! I bought your new CD." "No you didn't." "When I say bought I mean downloaded." "Exactly. I didn't sell one CD. Everyone downloaded it." "Weren't you already rich?" "My business manager stole everything." "You could perform live." "Too many musicians, not enough venues." "Now do you make music for the love of it?" "I burned my guitar for heat." "I bought your new CD." "No you didn't."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags absorb project, zombie employee, flakey, wide eyed, not helpful

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The boss: Dilbert, you'll absorb bills project when he transfers. Dont worry, He'll tell you everything you need to know. The whatchamacallit has to be whatever or else the who sits will go hey hey. Now this is either the budget total or a fax number. Its absolutely critical that you....um...I lost my train of thought. Dilbert: do you have a list of key contacts? That would have been a good idea. Dilbert: Can I call you if I have questions? You can try. I love my coworkers, until they talk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, delight, lower pay, new member, project team, shirt backwards

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The Boss introduces a coworker to Dilbert, "Dilbert, I got a new member for your project team." The coworker extends his hand and says, "My name is Ron but everyone calls me Mo. I don't know why." Dilbert asks, "Mo, why is your shirt on backward?" Mo looks down and exclaims, "What??! Again??!" Mo extends his arms and says, "Stand back. I'll try to fix it by quickly turning around." Mo spins and exclaims, "Aaagh! Hu-aah!" Mo is turned away from Dilbert. Mo says, "Oh, great. Now Dilbert is gone. I must have entered another dimension." Dilbert looks at Mo from behind, puzzled. Dilbert approaches The Boss and says, "Please tell me that his pay is lower than mine." The Boss grins and thinks, "I love this part."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags abuse, audio menu system, freezing, love problem, low level technician, same questions, too much optimism, waited in que, tech support

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Dogbert is sitting at a computer. He says into a telephone headset, "This is Dogbert's Tech Support. How may I abuse you?" The customer on the other end of the line responds, "Finally!! It took me an hour to penetrate your inscrutable audio menu system!" The customer continues, "Then I waited in queue for forty minutes!" The customer says, "My problem is that my computer keeps freezing..." Dogbert's voice interrupts him, "Not so fast." Dogbert says, "I need to know your name, address, phone number, operating system, e-mail address, serial numbers, software versions and video drivers." The customer clenches his teeth and shakes his fist as Dogbert's voice continues, "Then I'll put you in queue for the low-level technician who can only tell you to reboot." Dogbert continues, "He'll ask you the same questions for reasons that will baffle you." The customer asks, "But eventually you'll solve my problem, right?" Dogbert's voice replies, "Sure, if your problem is too much optimism."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags career counseling, hear myself talk, roll their eyes, nod and smaile, babble, punish people, management aptitude test

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Headline: Career Counseling. Dilbert sits across from a client. The client says, "I love to hear myself talk." The client continues, "But I don't like it when people roll their eyes and go 'phhht.'" The client continues, "I'd like a job where people are forced to nod and smile while I babble." The client adds, "And I'd like to punish people for my own mistakes." Dogbert says, "I recommend a career in management." Dogbert continues, "Just to be sure, I'm going to give you a management aptitude test." The client replies, "Hey, I have an idea. Maybe I should pursue a career in management!" Dogbert says, "Congratulations! You just passed the management aptitude test." The client exclaims, "Yes!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags functions to outsorce, dont do well, management, sales, quality control, core competenece, brown table startegy, business

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, I put together a list of functions we should outsource." Dilbert continues, "I limited my list to things we don't do well." The Boss and Wally listen as Dilbert's voice continues, "Marketing, quality control, engineering, finance, human resources, and customer support." Dilbert says, "That leaves us with our core competence..." Dilbert continues, "... Sitting around a brown table." Dilbert says, "And, of course, our ability to speak honestly without fear of retribution." The Boss says, "You will never get another raise as long as I'm alive." Dilbert responds, "Well, that puts a lot of pressure on the brown table strategy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags socialize, getting buy in, dialoging for feedback, building consensus, temperature check, straw man, inoculate stakeholders, letter from sa

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "You need to socialize your idea with the rest of the department." Dilbert replies, "Socialize? Is that the same as getting buy-in?" The Boss answers, "It's one step below buy-in. It's more like dialoging for feedback." Dilbert says, "Wait...I thought that building consensus was one step below buy- in." The Boss responds, "Just run it up a flagpole and see who salutes." Dilbert asks, "Wouldn't it be better to do a temperature check using a straw man?" The Boss answers, "Maybe... But is that going to inoculate the stakeholders?" A letter from Scott Adams reads, "Dear Reader, If you or anyone you love understands the preceding conversation, you have my deepest sympathy." Signed, "S.A."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags south pole, sending away, control freak, manipulating, sending dilbert, cold

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Noriko says to Dilbert, "I signed you up for a trip to the South Pole." Dilbert asks Noriko, "Um... why?" Noriko says to Dilbert, "You'll love it. You leave tomorrow." Dilbert says forcefully to Noriko, "I am not going to the South Pole!" Noriko says to Dilbert, "Oh, I get it; You're a control freak." Dilbert yells, "GAAA! Can't you see that it's you who is trying to control me?!! Noriko says to Dilbert, "All I see is you trying to manipulate me into not sending you to the South Pole." Dilbert, dressed in a fur-trimmed parka and carrying a suitcase, says to Catbert, "It seemed easier."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, prosperity, secret to usccess, eating bread, follow your passion

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Boss: Asok, the secret to success is to do what you love and stick to it. Asok: I like eating bread. Boss: Exactly! Follow your passion. Six Months Later Asok: Maybe I should try something else. Boss: Quitter.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, work ethic, defraying disk drive, compiling code

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Wally: I'd love to help you, but I'm in the middle of defragging my disk drive. When that's done, my computer will be compiling code for a few hours. Dilbert: How's work? Wally: I hear bad things about it.