Close Eyes Comic Strips - Page 23
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227 Results for Close Eyes
View 221 - 227 results for close eyes comic strips. Discover the best "Close Eyes" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday June 24,
2018
Tags distraction, procrastination, work ethic, excuses, productivity
Transcript
Dilbert: I have one hour to get some work done before my meeting. But I can't concentrate when i"m hungry, so I need a shack. This snack is making me thirsty. The label on this shirt is bugging me. I need to cut it off. Q quick trip to the restroom and then I can get down to work. Ugh. I have fifteen messages since I left my desk. Now it's too close to my meeting to start a new task. Dogbert: How's work? Dilbert: How would I know?
Tuesday October 30,
2018
Intentionally Underbidding
Tags Dilbert, the boss, intentionally, underbidding, extra-shoddy, work, grossly, overcharging, upgrades, criminal, organization, proven
Transcript
The Boss: We won the job by intentionally underbidding. But we can close the profit gap by doing extra-shoddy work and grossly overcharging for upgrades. Dilbert: Are we a criminal organization? The Boss: Not in a way that can easily be proven.
Friday June 14,
2019
Evil Marketing
Tags business, business ethics, chimps, evil, marketing, office, product
Transcript
dilbert, the boss and dogbert at conference room table. the boss: our competition released a product that makes our product look like it was designed by chimps. the boss: that's why i hired the world's most evil marketing expert to help us close the perception gap. the boss: should we focus on our value proposition? dogbert: if that means accusing them of crimes they didn't commit, then yes.
Friday June 21,
2019
Lawyers Take Years
Tags business, lawyers, office, agreement, years
Transcript
team meeting in conference room. dilbert: we can close the deal as soon as our lawyers tweak a few minor sentences in the agreement. the boss: how long will that take? dilbert: probably several years. the boss: what if i help them? dilbert: add 3 years.
Sunday August 02,
2020
Dilbert Tells The Odds
Tags business, decision, estimate, managers & supervisors, miscommunication, odds, technology, wrong
Transcript
dilbert: i estimate odds at a 70% chance things go well, and a 30% chance we lose money on the deal. boss: if we lose money, will you admit you were wrong? dilbert: how could i be wrong? i'm just telling you the odds. boss: if we lose money, that's on you for recommending it. dilbert: um...no. i'm telling you the odds and letting you decide. boss: but you're the one saying this is such a great deal. dilbert upsetting and yelling forcing face mask off his face: i'm only telling you the odds, you pea-brained ignoramus!!! boss: so, you won't admit you were wrong? dilbert's face mask is over his eyes.
Thursday March 25,
2021
Yay, A Package
Tags package, arrived, consumer, amazon, purchase, birthday, feel, forgetfulness, dish soap
Transcript
Dilbert opening front door at home: yay! my package arrived! i buy one thing per day from amazon and then forget what i ordered, so it feels like my birthday every day. dogbert with hands over eyes: i can't watch this. yes! dish soap! how did i know i wanted that?
Sunday May 16,
2021
Wally Works At Home Unsafely
Tags business, technology, warning, unsafe, workplace, work at home, remote, live, judging, personality, toxic, dump, lazy, clean, lucky, guess, neighbors, curtains, laptop
Transcript
wally on video call with catbert: catbert: i'm issuing you a warning for your unsafe workplace. wally: i work from home. you've never seen where i live. catbert: i'm judging by your personality. you're too lazy to clean anything up, so by now it's a toxic dump. wally: that's a lucky guess. catbert: and you're too lazy to close your curtains, so by now your neighbors want to murder you. wally: that's two lucky guesses.

