Search Results for "dead animal"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
221 - 230 of 235

Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues

Thank you for voting.
Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2015's comic on:

Tags #technology, #future, #death, #prediction, #health, #reaction, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I combined a DNA test kit with big data to predict a person's future health issues. That depressing knowledge caused every member of the test group to make risky lifestyle choices. Now half of them are dead. At the risk of bragging, that's exactly what my model predicted.

The Boss's Feng Shui And Aura

Thank you for voting.
The Boss's Feng Shui And Aura - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2016's comic on:

Tags #horoscope, #Astrology, #prediction, #fortune, #nonsense

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Ooh. Bad news on your horoscope today. Your moon is intersecting with the feng shui of your aura. Boss: How long do I have? Carol: You'll be dead by noon. Boss: I meant until my next meeting.

Ted Is Not That Dumb

Thank you for voting.
Ted Is Not That Dumb - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2016's comic on:

Tags #joke, #mean, #bully, #insult, #death, #idiot, #idiocy, #stupid, #dumb, #guest artist, #brenna thummler, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You're not allowed to tell co-workers to drive into a ravine. Dilbert: It was a joke. Ted isn't so dumb that he would do it. Ask him if he's that dumb. Boss: Don't speak ill of the dead.

Checking The Time

Thank you for voting.
Checking The Time - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2016's comic on:

Tags #bored, #boredom, #dying, #dead

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Stop checking the time when I talk to you! Dilbert: I wasn't checking the time. I was checking my pulse to see if I'm dying from boredom. Uh-oh. Boss: I hope this is a coincidence.

I Own You

Thank you for voting.
I Own You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 2016's comic on:

Tags #honesty, #work ethic, #communication, #text, #control

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why didn't you answer my text last night? Dilbert: Um... Boss: You have no social life, and you aren't dead, so there's no excuse. I own you! Dilbert: Whoever said honest is refreshing never heard any.

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2016's comic on:

Tags #scam, #death, #reincarnation, #con, #con artist, #ghost, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm starting a new business selling clothes to ghosts. My garments are made of the finest ectoplasm. Dilbert: Ghosts don't have money. Dogbert: They don't need money. I'm using a life insurance business model. If you pay me until you die, I will keep your ghost well-dressed for eternity. I also offer reincarnation services. Leave all of your stuff to me when you die and I'll give it back to you when I find the baby that got your soul. Dilbert: You'll be in trouble if your customers realize you're running a scam. Dogbert: If dead people start complaining, we've both got bigger problems than my scams.

Two Choices For Work Space

Thank you for voting.
Two Choices For Work Space - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2017's comic on:

Tags #office, #office workers, #cubicle, #distraction, #work from home

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're trying to decide if it's better to have an open office plan with too many distractions to be productive... or soul-crushing cubicles that will make every employee envy the dead. Dilbert: Maybe everyone can just work from home? Boss: And miss all of this?

Internal Rules Versus Good Code

Thank you for voting.
Internal Rules Versus Good Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2017's comic on:

Tags #technology, #coding, #engineers, #logic, #corporate, #bureaucracy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!

Ted Might Drop Dead

Thank you for voting.
Ted Might Drop Dead - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2017's comic on:

Tags #health, #monitor, #fitbit, #wearable tech, #heart attack, #diseases, #death, #prediction, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2017's comic on:

Tags #laziness, #accomplishment, #narcissist, #narcissism, #review, #firing, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: The Underperforming Narcissist. Boss: Topper, you've accomplished nothing this year. Topper: Are you kidding? I'm the greatest employee this world has ever seen! Boss: You have literally done nothing useful for a year. Topper: Don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows that "less is more." And I've done far less than anyone. Wally: Sorry I'm late. I thought I heard an animal trapped in my car's engine. Boss: Did you do less than Wally? Topper: Maybe we could continue this talk when he's not in the office. Wally: Any time before 11 a.m. is usually good.