Human Cloing Comic Strips - Page 23

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326 Results for Human Cloing

View 221 - 230 results for human cloing comic strips. Discover the best "Human Cloing" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil, #murder, #refusal, #reprimand

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "your boss says you refuse to do your job." Dilbert says, "he told me to kill a customer, assume her identity, and place a huge order with the company." Catbert says, "I'll transfer your to the collections department until you're willing to kill."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #walking, #talking, #complaining, #Sports

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Dilbert says, "today I got in trouble for not doing something that I wasn't aware needed to be done." Dilbert says, "Yesterday I got in trouble for doing something that no one asked me to do, but needed to be done." Dilbert says, "Tomorrow I plan to sit in my cubicle like a frozen you-know-what and avoid all human contact." Dogbert says, "Does it rhyme with 'Bird'?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustrated, #angry, #cruel, #mean, #complaining

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "Being evil used to mean something." Catbert says, "These days I can cut salaries by 10% and people will thank me for not firing them!" The boss says, "So you want to help me eat employee lunches from the break room fridge?" Catbert says, "I'd like that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #raise, #bribery, #agreement, #money, #clothes, #confused, #crime

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Wally says, "According to the news, everyone in power is corrupt." Catbert says, "So?" Wally says, "If you give me a 20% raise, I'll kick back half to you." Catbert says, "Done." Dilbert says, "How did you afford a new vest in this economy? Crime?" Wally says, "I'm dabbling."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil, #mean, #cruel, #meeting, #money, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "You shouldn't come to work just for money." Catbert says, "You should come to work to avoid not having any money." Wally says, "I'm only in it for these meetings." Catbert says, "Settle down, baldy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #meeting, #evil, #ridiculous, #angry, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "Before I counsel you?" Catbert says, "You might want to clench your various sphincters so your soul doesn't escape." Wally says, "Is it okay if I release a scouting party?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #firing, #launching, #spring, #ridiculous, #surprised, #worried, #scared, #evil, #cruel

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "My old policy was to have security immediately escort out anyone I fired." Sproing! Catbert says, "But that left too much time for weeping."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #ridicule, #cruel, #mean, #rude, #angry, #annoyed, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "With your skills, you have a variety of career options." Catbert says, "For example, you could flap your arms and fly to a planet that places a high value on morons." Catbert says, "Etcetera."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #reading, #judging, #reviewing, #skills, #lying, #panic, #diverting, #attention

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "According to your skills inventory, the only thing you are good at is?" Catbert says, "?diverting attention from your own lack of value." Wally says, "Is it just me, or is there a deadly gas leak in the building?" Catbert says, "Erk!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #panic, #phrase, #angry, #offended, #accusation, #awkward, #business

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The Boss says, "Asok, we're hosting a forum for human resources executives, and I need you to organize it." Asok the intern says, "Gaaa!!! That will be like trying to herd cats." Catbert says, "What did you just say?" Asok the intern says, "I'm not racist." Catbert says, "Denial is proof!"