Not Near My House Comic Strips - Page 23

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238 Results for Not Near My House

View 221 - 230 results for not near my house comic strips. Discover the best "Not Near My House" comics from Dilbert.com.

Hire Agile Programmers

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Hire Agile Programmers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pun, deception, earthquake, agility

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Wally: You should move the agile programmers to building six because it has poor earthquake protection. they can jump out of the way if stuff starts falling. Boss; I guess that makes sense. Wally: Can I have one of their cubicles near a window?

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Cubicle Near Thermostat

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Cubicle Near Thermostat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags temperature, office, cold, revenge, thermostat

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Wally: My new cubicle is the nearest one to the office thermostat. That makes me the de facto ruler of the indoor climate. Dilbert: Don't let the power corrupt you. Wally: I'll start by freezing all the skinny women who laughed at me!

Tina Wants Warmer Temperature

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Tina Wants Warmer Temperature - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags thermostat, temperature, deal, negotiation, cold, bribe

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Wally: My cubicle is near the thermostat and your desk has the est view of our boss' office. I'll see that you get the temperature you want if you warn me whenever our boss is on the move. Tina: Can you give me 76 degrees? Wally: Whoa! That'll cost you extra, Lucifer.

Wally's World Expands

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Wally's World Expands - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags window, view, seeing, perspective, office, office workers

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Wally: My world view has expanded since I moved to a cubicle near a window. I didn't realize how much stuff was outside our building. Boss: Such as the rest of the universe? Wally: I can only see the alley in front of the parking garage.

Travelling Broadens Worldview

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Travelling Broadens Worldview - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags travel, perspective, view, worldview

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Alice: I love travelling because it broadens my understanding of the world. Wally: I know what you mean. I just got a cubicle near the window and now I see the world as an alleyway between me and the parking garage. Alice: That's dumb. Wally: That's not what the alley people say.

Problem With The System

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Problem With The System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fired, bottom, firing, termination, layoff, hierarchy, logic, illogical, executives

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Boss: Company policy says I have to fire the bottom ten percent of performers, so... you're fired. Dilbert: I thought I was near the top. Boss: That was before I fired everyone below you. Dilbert: Can you see any problem with your system? Boss: Yes, it's exhausting.

Alice And The Legacy System

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Alice And The Legacy System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dedication, work ethic, boredom, overwork, time

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Alice: Does it bother you to work on the old legacy system when the rest of us are doing exciting new things? Wally: I leave work at 4 p.m. every day. Wally: How about you? Alice: Squatters keep moving into my house.

Reanimated Employee

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Reanimated Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags soul, death, near death experience, heaven, hell, medical

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Dilbert: How did you end up with no soul? Randy: I died during surgery and my soul went to the afterlife before doctors reanimated my body. Dilbert: I thought the soul returns when that happens. Randy: You're thinking of heaven.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags carol, Wally, computer, problem, crumbs, crosstalk, protocols, help

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Carol: Wally, can you help me with a computer problem? Wally: People usually don't ask me for help. Carol: Why is that? Wally: You'll find out. Carol: I can't log in to the server. Wally: I'll need to ask you a few questions. Have you ever eaten food near your computer. Carol: Um... Yes. Wally: That's your problem. Wally: Your crumbs are causing crosstalk on the protocols. Carol: Is this why no one asks you for help? Wally: It's in the top ten.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, strategy, variables, forecast

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dilbert: my profit forecast isn't aligning with our strategy the boss: try adding some variables. dilbert: what kind of variables? the boss: the kind that make our strategy line up with our profit forecasts. dilbert: but...then my forecast would not be accurate. the boss: it's already inaccurate because no one can forecast complicated things five years ahead. the boss: if we can't be accurate, we might as well be wrong in a way that is good for us in the near term. dilbert: you make a surprisingly robust argument for evil. the boss: and i was barely trying!