Punish Engineers Comic Strips - Page 23

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

246 Results for Punish Engineers

View 221 - 230 results for punish engineers comic strips. Discover the best "Punish Engineers" comics from Dilbert.com.

Drones Attack Dilbert

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Drones Attack Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineer, engineers, drone, drones, government contract, contractor, retaliation, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

G-Man 1: Oh-oh. The fugitive hacker Dilbert rolled down a hill and found a cell signal. G-Man 2: Relax. What can one engineer with a phone do against a superpower with armed drones? G-Man 1: Who do you think makes our drones???!!!

Dilbert Goes To Jail

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Goes To Jail - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags guilt, innocence, cyborg, crime, criminal, fair, fairness, punishment, jail, responsibility

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: You're arresting me for killing Ted, but a bug in my cyborg components made me do it. If I go to jail, you will remove the cyborg parts that caused the trouble and punish the organic parts of me that are innocent. Police Officer: It's funny when you put it that way.

Wally Engineers Something

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Engineers Something - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags genius, brilliant, idea, thinking, printer, technology, invention, medicine, deception, motivation, innovation, laziness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Did you design our robot's 3-D pill printer? Wally: Yup. Dilbert: The design is brilliant, except for the part where the pill drops out of the robot's butt. Why are you suddenly brilliant? Wally: Never had a reason before.

How It Feels To Be Useless

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How It Feels To Be Useless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work, work ethic, engineers, stress, reward, laziness, dedication

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: How's it feel to be the hardest-working employee in engineering? Alice: I feel tired, sore, exhausted, sick, angry, stressed out, and lonely. Wally: You probably don't want to know how good it feels to be useless.

Charging Client For Thinking

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Charging Client For Thinking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags thinking, engineers, time, worth, meetings, billing, money, cost

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The client says you billed them for all the time you spent thinking about their project. Dilbert: I'm an engineer. Thinking is what I do. Should I think less? Boss: Maybe you could meet with someone while you think. Dilbert: How's that working right now?

Closer To Being A Terrorist

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Closer To Being A Terrorist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Religion, logic, terrorism, terrorist, radicalization, extremism, fbi, interrogation

View Transcript

Transcript

FBI Secret Facility. Asok: I am a nonviolent Hindu. You use violence as a tool, and your religion is centered around one of Islam's prophets. So... technically, you're closer to being a radical Islamic terrorist than I am. Agent: I hate engineers.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags management, honesty, competition, criticism

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why are our competitors beating us on the benchmark speed tests? Do they have better engineers? Dilbert: No, they have better management. Their management probably got them the budget they needed to do the job right. I"m guessing they were helpful, instead of being useless, blamecasting time-wasters. I hear you can do a lot when you have good management. I'll probably try to get a job with a competitor. They sound great. It is also possible they lied about their benchmark results. Boss: You should have said that first!

Tina Isn't An Engineer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Isn't An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineer, evaluation, value, catch-22, fired, termination, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The company makes me rank all of my employees. I put you last because you're not an engineer. I have to fire whoever is ranked lowest, and I can't afford to lose any engineers. Tina; What if I work harder, and do a great job? Boss: Then I'd fire you for not being a team player.

Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineers, sociopath, pathology, hit man, murder, killing, morals, emotions

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The famous cartoonist we hired to be our spokesperson said something bad on social media. Boss: Oh no. How bad is it? CEO: Our board voted to kill him. Do you know any sociopaths? Boss: I'm head of Engineering. CEO: Good point. Pick any one of them.

Punishment By Talking

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Punishment By Talking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deadline, time, time management, managers, perspective

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why is your project taking so long? Dilbert; It isn't. It only seems like a long time to you because you don't know how to do anything. Boss: I know how to punish you for being late. Dilbert: Does it involve talking to me while I'm trying to work?