Tech Support Comic Strips - Page 23
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262 Results for Tech Support
View 221 - 230 results for tech support comic strips. Discover the best "Tech Support" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday December 04,
2009
Tags facts, thimble, knowledge, suggestion, technology, strategy
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Here's the mountain of facts that support my recommended technology strategy." Dilbert says, "And here's a tiny thimble that holds everything you know about technology. Maybe you could?" Dilbert says, "Leaders don't like it when you suggest they wear the thimble of knowledge like a little hat."
Sunday March 15,
2009
Tags problem, ignorance, hiding, budget
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Customers can't figure out our user interface. the boss says, "They should read the manual." Dilbert says, "Our manual is more confusing than our user interface." The boss says, "They can use our onine support database." Dilbert says, "That's more confusing than our manual." The boss says, "We have no money to fix any of that." The boss says, "In situations like this, I like to go to my special place" The boss says, "Someday I hope to have a special place big enough for my entire body." the boss says, "Problem solved."
Sunday December 27,
2009
Tags meeting, brilliant, moron, appearance, superficial, beard, silent, Funny, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "I invited silent Gary to help us decide on a technology direction." The Boss says, "We think he's a genius because he has a beard and he never speaks." The Boss says, "Gary, do you think we should use open source software for our support platform?" The Boss says, "Here it comes. He's rubbing his beard and giving me creepy eye contact." THe Boss says, "I detect a slight hint of disgust. It means Gary hates the idea! The Boss says, "Yes, it's all so obvious now. This is the worst idea in the history of mankind." The Boss says, "THe meeting is over. Silent Gary has spoken." Dilbert says, "You're actually a moron, aren't you?" Gary says, "Don't ruin this for me."
Sunday October 03,
2010
Tags meeting, project, point, progress, enhanced assessment methodology, towel, shower, nervous, soul, business
Transcript
Dilbert says, "?And of course we'll assess our progress along the way." Coworker says, "Will you be using an enhanced assessment methodology?" Coworker says, "I hope that means something. All I did was string together some words I heard in the hallway." Dilbert says, "Um... I'll be assessing... by measuring... and um..." The Boss says, "I better get in on this." The Boss says, "I can't support this project until I see your advanced assessment methodology plan." Dilbert says, "I'll have it in ten minutes, assuming you don't now what it's supposed to look like." The Boss says, "Very good." Dilbert says, "I'll be in the shower trying to wash my soul."
Sunday August 05,
2007
Tags vendor, wait to buy, new model, sales, negotiate, business
Transcript
Dilbert: When do you expect to come out with a new model? Vendor: In about two months. Dilbert: I'll wait and buy the new model. Vendor: Did I say two months? I meant never. Dilbert: Never? That must mean your company is going out of business and won't support this product. Vendor: What's a length of time between two months and never that would cause you to buy now?" Dilbert: One year. Vendor: Our new model comes out in a year. Dilbert: I'll wait until then. Vendor: You're the worst customer ever."
Sunday April 24,
2005
Tags emailed file, accomplishments, entire month, open the file, down load, browser, upgrade broswer, operating system, upagrde, software, hard disk, view of file, engineering
Transcript
"My accomplishement this month was opening a file that someone e-mailed." "That took an entire month?" "It wasn't that easy. I didn't have the right software to open the file." "I tried to download the viewer from the Internet but the Web site didn't support my browser." "And I couldn't upgrade my browser until I updated my operating system!" "That required me to upgrade all of my software, too." "My hard disk got maxed out, so I had to upgrade my computer and transfer all of the files." "So, then you got to view the file?" "Yeah...It was a funny one about a cat."
Sunday June 12,
2005
Tags tuesday off, kids tonsils, not suregon, rare blood type, donate blood, moral supprt, real winner, immoral and sick, cold on tuesday
Transcript
"I need Tuesday off because my son is having his tonsils removed." "Since when do you know how to remove tonsils?" "Um...I won't be performing the surgery myself." "Do you have a rare blood type that you need to donate?" "No. Actually, I was planning on sitting in the waiting room to give him moral support." "So your kid is immoral and sick? He sounds like a real winner." "What I mean is that I plan to have a cold on Tuesday." "Well, I can see where your kid gets it from."
Sunday May 23,
2004
Tags performance review, meetings, too negative, poo posed ideas, cold fusion, perpetual motion, clothes dryer, antigravity pants, mri vending machine, terrible ideas, negative attitude, tongue scraper
Transcript
"Performance review" "People say you're too negative in meetings." "Negative? When?" "According to the marketing department, you poo-pooed a number of their ideas..." "...The cold fusion scooter, perpetual motion clothes dryer, antigravity pants, MRI vending machine, and the list goes on." "Those are terrible ideas!" "Negative attitude!!! Gottcha!!!" "Okay, you're right. From now on, I will support all terrible ideas." "Good." "It's a tongue scraper and a frozen flagpole!" "Can it be electrified?"
Sunday November 21,
2004
Tags tech analyiss, second opinion, look stupid, whistling, accident, distribute
Transcript
Dilbert: Heres the technical analysis that you ask for, I don't understand any of it. I can't tell if its right or if it would envbrass me. I can't ask for a second opinion with out looking stupid, and I can't distribute it because it might be wrong, I'll out it on this pile and hope something changes. I wonder of its called whistling when only amor comes out, Carol: Should I shred your pile of indecision, The Boss: make it link like an accident.
Sunday April 13,
2003
Tags hard day, meeting with ceo, billion dollar comapny, free stock, cash fow, revenue, disaster events, tragic evenets, slpping, fear induced meeting
Transcript
Dilbert: Im taking my business case too some venture capitalists. Im hoping that their wisdom and resources will make it a billion dollar company. Dilbert: Would you like some free stock? Dogbert: BAH! Dilbert: What would I do without the support of my loved one? CEO: What would the cash flow look like if.... ....Revenue was zero, microsoft and IBM entered the market , your factory burned down and a piano fell on your head? And what about civil unrest, lawsuits, natural disasters and locusts? Dilbert: ...Then the little one slapped me. Dogbert: Now RE_E_EL them in.


