Things Are Fine Comic Strips - Page 23

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View 221 - 230 results for things are fine comic strips. Discover the best "Things Are Fine" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #staff meetings, #late for meetings, #ten minutes, #stupid stuff, #fine work, #noticing

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Can anyone tell me why everyone is always late for my staff meetings?" Alice responds, "Because the first ten minutes are always stupid stuff like 'What are people late?'" Dilbert turns to Alice and says, "Alice, that was some of your finest work." Alice responds, "Thank you for noticing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #next speaker, #athlete, #drugs, #booze, #inspirational

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The Boss says into a microphone, "Our next speaker was a famous athlete until drugs and booze ruined his life." A shaky, disheveled man walks towards The Boss and says, "Shank Hew Vewy Mush." Alice turns to The Boss and says, "It's not inspirational until he stops doing those things." The Boss asks, "What?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert tech support., #personal computer, #defective, #attractive package

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Dogbert Tech Support. Dogbert says into his telephone headset, "It works fine on my machine." On the other end of the line, the customer says, "Yes, but this call is about MY PC. May we talk about MY problem now?" Dogbert replies, "Okay, your PC is defective and you're selfish. That's an attractive package you've got going there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #training cd, #gone bad, #brainwashing, #cyborg, #brain washed

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Dilbert, Asok, and Wally are eating lunch. Asok says, "My training CD has gone bad. It is brainwashing me to become a cyborg." Dilbert responds, "Don't worry. Smart people such as you can't be brainwashed to do stupid things." Asok has transformed into half cyborg. He approaches Dilbert and says, "Guess who doesn't know the first thing about brainwashing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo visit, #hide in restorrom, #too soon, #start dream assignment

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The Boss says, "Wally, our CEO is visiting next week. I want you to hide in the restroom." Wally opens his drawer to take out his things. The Boss stops him and says, "It's too soon." Wally replies, "It's never too soon to start a dream assignment."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #powerpoint slides, #ceos visit, #needs to fix

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The Boss says to Alice, "Have you finished your 'powerpoint' slides for the CEO's visit?" Alice responds, "Yes. I'm focusing on all the things we do wrong. Because that's what he needs to fix." The Boss' jaw drops. Alice continues, "Just kidding, there's no useful information." The Boss replies, "Don't joke!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #improve morale, #want drinking enough, #coffee meetings, #never leave table

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The Boss says to Wally, "I'm having these coffee meetings to find out how I can improve morale." Wally responds, "My only problem was that I wasn't drinking enough coffee with you. So now I'm good, thanks." Wally continues, "Promise me you'll never leave this table. I can't go back to the way things were."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #three hole punch, #waltzing in, #borrowing things, #whack list, #demanding, #in exchange for, #hole punch

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An employee asks Carol, "May I use your three-hole punch?" Carol waves her hand and exclaims, "Whoa Whoa Whoa!" Carol says, "You can't come waltzing into this department, using our stuff and leaving your holes." The employee says, "I'll clean up the holes." Carol hands him a piece of paper, "I want you to whack the people on this list."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #software, #week, #ordering system, #honeymoon, #two weeks, #parole board, #outside system, #engineering

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Dilbert says into the phone, "And I need the software in a week." The voice on the other end of the line says, "Cheryl is the only one who knows the ordering system." The woman on the other end of the line says into the phone, "She's on her honeymoon for two weeks. You need CFO approval to buy software outside the system." Dilbert responds, "Fine. I'll talk to the CFO. When will he be available?" The voice responds, "Depends on the parole board."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #man on moon, #recycled paper, #flawed analogy, #good analogies

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "If we can put a man on the moon, we can build a computer made entirely of recycled paper." Dilbert responds, "Your flawed analogy only shows that other people can do other things." The Boss says, "Maybe you should call other people and ask how they do it." Dilbert responds, "Maybe they use good analogies."