Least Expensive Vendor Comic Strips - Page 24

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260 Results for Least Expensive Vendor

View 231 - 240 results for least expensive vendor comic strips. Discover the best "Least Expensive Vendor" comics from Dilbert.com.

Nod At Preset Intervals

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Nod At Preset Intervals - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lying, #lie, #collusion, #nonverbal communication, #honest, #sales, #sales personnel, #ethics, #business

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Boss: You don't have to lie to customers, but at least nod your head when our salesperson lies. Dilbert: Can I not at preset intervals and let the salesperson time the lies to my nods? Salesman: I can work with that.

Humans Hold Domininion

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Humans Hold Domininion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #temperature, #humans, #nature, #thermostat, #robots, #technology, #evolution, #fragility

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Dilbert: My brain won't work when the office is warmer than 72. Carol: It has to be at least 74 or I'll freeze. Robot: What's it like to hold dominion over the Earth within a narrow band of temperatures that can't coexist? Dilbert: Was that a joke? Carol: I'm too cold to think?

Deciding Which Liar You Prefer

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Deciding Which Liar You Prefer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #choosing, #choices, #voting, #election, #Politics

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Boss: I can't decide if I want to vote for the liar with the budget plan that doesn't add up or... the other liar with a budget plan that doesn't add up. Dogbert: Have you tried using your ignorance to figure out which one is lying the least? Boss: Ooh, that could work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work, #job, #happiness, #fulfillment, #meaning, #pleasure, #struggle, #engagement, #business, #psychology

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Asok: I want a job I can enjoy. Dilbert: You want to work for free? Asok: No, I just want to get paid for doing things I want to do. Dilbert: Perhaps you misunderstand the true nature of "work." The reason your employer pays you is because work is unpleasant by its very nature. If the job were fun, the company would charge you a fee for letting you do it. Boss: Asok, I need you to climb into the dumpster and find out what's making it smell so bad. Asok: At least I'm doing something useful. Boss: No, it's more of a curiosity situation.

Boss Buys Software Without Help

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Boss Buys Software Without Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad advice, #Advice, #sales, #lying, #deception, #business

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Boss: I bought new software for our network. Dilbert: Who helped you on the technical side? Boss: The vendor. He said our current software uses the wrong kind of electricity.

A System For Transferring Mistakes

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A System For Transferring Mistakes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #mistake, #boss, #review, #human resources, #revenge, #business

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Boss: Make sure we get all of the cost savings that our vendor promised with our new software. Dilbert: Those savings are not real. The vendor lied to you because you know nothing about technology. Boss: If only I had some way to turn my mistake into his mistake. Catbert: It's called a performance review.

Dogbert's Particle Accelerator

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Dogbert's Particle Accelerator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scheme, #plan, #deception, #trick, #science, #invention

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Dogbert: I built a particle accelerator in the basement. Dilbert: Sounds expensive. Dogbert: Not if you use cardboard. My plan is to say I discovered one new particle per week. When scientists fail to confirm my discoveries, I will say they need better accelerators.

Dilbert Falls Asleep At The Wheel

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Dilbert Falls Asleep At The Wheel - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #safety, #catch-22, #fatigue, #accident, #driving

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Dilbert: I fell asleep at the wheel because I stayed up all night to meet your deadline. I had to work all night because you made me attend a mandatory safety meeting yesterday. But at least I got my work done on time. Boss: I forgot to tell you the meeting got moved to next week.

Men Who Do The Driving

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Men Who Do The Driving - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #driving, #Men, #conversation, #relationships

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Woman: I like a man who always offers to do the driving on dates? Dilbert: Like Uber? Woman: But less expensive, and no waiting. Dilbert; So you're saying I'm better than Uber? Woman: You would be if you didn't talk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scam, #language, #accent, #communication

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Dogbert: I'm starting a foreign accent schools for the lazy. People assume you're smarter when you know more than one language. But learning a new language takes too much work. So I'll teach you how to speak your own language with a foreign accent. People will assume you are bilingual at the very least. And when you use bad grammar with a foreign accent it makes you look adorable. You'll never need to do another courtesy laugh, either. People will just assume you didn't get the joke. Dilbert: This is one of your better ideas. Dogbert: You should hear it with an accent!