Engineer Comic Strips - Page 24
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252 Results for Engineer
View 231 - 240 results for engineer comic strips. Discover the best "Engineer" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday June 10,
2017
Dilbert Tries To Get Funding
Tags budget, money, spending, projects, upgrades, technology, software, engineering
Transcript
Man: Who are you? Dilbert: I'm an engineer on an unfunded project. I'm attending random meetings to see if I can shake loose some spare budget money. Man: We'll be talking about the mandatory software upgrade. Dilbert: Sounds like a huge waste of money.
Wednesday September 13,
2017
Engineer With No Soul
Tags soul, motivation, cruelty, abuse
Transcript
Boss: I hired an engineer who has no soul. This way, I won't feel so bad when I motivate him with emotional abuse. Dilbert: You're joking, right? Boss: Ha! You're right. I never feel bad about stuff.
Thursday November 02,
2017
Boss Is Like A Zombie With No App
Tags mind control, technology, invention, zombie
Transcript
Dilbert: Thanks to my new neural interface, I can control our boss using an app. I haven't written the app yet, so all he does is sit there like a zombie. Wally: Maybe we can skip the app. Alice: There's no reason to over-engineer it.
Sunday November 26,
2017
Tags negotiation, demand, haggle, prices, pricing, negotiate
Transcript
Boss: Negotiate with your vendor and get the price down. Dilbert: I don't know how to negotiate. I'm an engineer. Boss: It's simple. All you need to do is make an aggressive first demand and settle for less. Dilbert: How aggressive are we talking about here? Boss: The more aggressive the better. Dilbert: That doesn't sound right. Boss: Trust me. More is better. Dilbert: My opening demand is that you name me as a beneficiary on your life insurance police, mow my lawn, and die in traffic on the way home. Boss: You got the price down by 35 percent. Dilbert: I really hoped it wouldn't work.
Monday December 25,
2017
Beautiful, Slippery, Brittle
Tags technology, cell phones, fragile, aesthetics, vanity
Transcript
Boss: When you engineer our new mobile phone product, make sure you adhere to the BSB design principle. Dilbert: BSB? Boss: Beautiful, slippery, brittle. Dilbert: Isn't that sort of evil? Boss: It isn't our fault if customers don't buy an ugly case.
Friday April 20,
2018
Dumb Question
Tags engineers, questioning, dumb question, stupidity, jargon, language, lingo
Transcript
Boss: I'm not an engineer, so this might be a dumb question. But why can't we 3-D print a blockchain and HTML it into a bitcoin? Dilbert: Alice can answer that. Alice: I quit.
Saturday July 21,
2018
What Classes To Be An Engineer
Tags intelligence, insult, Advice, logic, engineer, engineering
Transcript
Man: What kinds of classes should I take to become an engineer? Alice: Start by taking whatever kind of class makes you fifty percent smarter. Man: Then what? Alice: Then you won't need to ask me what to do next.
Saturday September 01,
2018
Glass Is Half Full
Tags Dilbert, Wally, the boss, glass, half empty, half full, the engineer, pie hole
Transcript
The Boss: A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says it is half full. Dilbert: The engineer says the glass is too big. The Boss: The manager says the engineer should shut his pie hole.
Monday September 10,
2018
Device Can Read Minds
Tags the boss, Dilbert, device, read, thoughts, turn, computer, commands, theories, engineer, engineering, invention, nothing, broken
Transcript
Dilbert: I invented a device that can read your thoughts and turn them into computer commands. The Boss: Nothing is happening. Is it broken? Dilbert: That's one of my top two theories.
Friday December 28,
2018
Fetching Coffee
Tags elderly, engineering, men and women, office workers
Transcript
Ned: They call me "Old Ned as if I haven't kept up with the times. But watch me tell you to fetch me some coffee from Starbucks just like the young folks do. Alice: I'm a senior software engineer. Ned: I'm not getting any less thirsty here.


