Dilbert: My digital devices have reduced my attention span so much I can barely concentrate on work. I need a dopamine hit every four seconds or I look for something else to do. Carol: Would you mind terribly if I play with my phone while you drone on and on?
Dilbert: Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Skeleton: Go ahead. But if you ask me if I'm dead, there is no chance I'll be rattling bones with you later. What's your question? Dilbert: It can wait until tomorrow.
Boss: Wally, I need you to write up your job description for me. Wally: Is that because you're planning to hire someone to replace me? Boss: I need it by tomorrow. Wally: Job description: leverage platform technologies to maximize software architecture optimization via nanotubes. Here you go. Boss: Can you start on Monday? Man: I changed my mind.
Man: Why do you hate the plan so much? Dilbert: I don't hate the plan. I like the plan. Man: No, I can tell by the way you chose your words that you hate it. Now I can tell by your face that you hate me. Dilbert: You're like a blind squirrel who brings his own nuts to the park.
Dilbert: My invention can read my thoughts and turn them into computer commands. I'm no longer an individual. Now I'm part of the collective internet mind.
Woman: That is the least sexy thing I have ever heard.
Dilbert:
Tina: You're a narcissist.
Dilbert: You would need an inflated sense of your own importance to believe you can read my mind to compare my opinion of myself to your opinion of my worth.
Tina: Huh?
Dilbert: Sometimes my jokes are just for me.
Wally: Are you worried that the algorithms used by social media platforms are a form of mind control?
Boss: I...am not...worried about...that.
Wally: Maybe we should have had this conversation sooner.
Boss: Must...post...selfie...
Boss: The key to your personal success is hard work.
Dilbert: Was it hard for you to learn that?
Boss: No, it was easy.
Dilbert: Do you mind if I get my advice from someone who worked it at harder?
Man: My new meds totally eliminated my libido. But my doctor says I need them.
Dilbert: Does your wife mind?
Man: Not since she started dating my doctor.
Tina: I've had a bad week. Do you mind if I vent?
Dilbert: I see no reason why I should be exposed to your toxic negativity.
Tina: I'm going to do it anyway.
Dilbert: Headphones.
