2018 Comic Strips - Page 24

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, Dilbert, Wally, chatbot, plumbing supply, website, sister

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Wally: I fell in love with a chatbot. We met on a plumbing supply website. I started innocently. I had a few questions about faucets. Next thing I knew, she was getting flirty. Now we chat for hours every night. Alice: That is the most pathetic thing I have ever heard you creepy loser. Dilbert: Does your chatbot have a sister?

Wally Has An Idea

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Wally Has An Idea - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Wally, alice, Dilbert, coffee, work, criteria, criticism

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Wally: I have an idea on how to fix our process. Alice: I've noticed that all of your ideas make everyone but you work harder. Wally: Apparently, we have different criteria for what makes an idea great.

Wally Has An Idea For Carol

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Wally Has An Idea For Carol - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags carol, Wally, bike, compliment, insults

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Wally: I have a great idea for you. Carol: Keep it to yourself. Your ideas are always insults masquerading as helpfulness. Wally: You seem cranky. Have you considered riding a bike to work? Carol: Die, monster!

Jerry The Contract Employee

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Jerry The Contract Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags threat, Dilbert, the boss, jerry, contract, zebra, agile

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The Boss: This is Jerry the contract employee. I hired him to work on project zebra. Dilbert: We haven't even defined the project. How did you know what skills we needed? The Boss: Why are you so threatened by jerry? Jerry: He's not very agile.

Resending Email

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Resending Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Wally, the boss, project, dead in the water, requests, budget

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The Boss: Wally, give me an update on your project. Wally: My project is dead in the water because every time I send you my budget request, you lose it and ask me to resend it. The Boss: I haven't seen any budget requests. Wally: I'll resend it.

Dilbert Uses Bumper Sticker Wisdom

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Dilbert Uses Bumper Sticker Wisdom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, permission, bumper stickers, forgive

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The Boss: Dilbert, did you reconfigure the server without my permission? Dilbert: Let me consult my collection of bumper stickers for an answer. "It is easier to ask forgiveness than permission." The Boss: Okay, that sounds right.

Dilbert Consults His Bumper Stickers

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Dilbert Consults His Bumper Stickers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ceo, Dilbert, government regulations, marketing, question authority

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CEO: Government regulations prevent us from marketing our products the way we want. What should we do? Dilbert: I'll consult my bundle of bumper stickers for some guidance. "Question authority." CEO: How did you get so smart?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, draft, same day, sloth, tardiness

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The Boss: I told you a week ago that I needed your first draft by today. This is exactly why I say bad things about you behind your back! I need employees I can rely on! Your tardiness and sloth cannot be rewarded. Dilbert: I gave you the first draft the same day you asked. In fact, I think you're holding it in your hand right now. The Boss: I'll be back when I figure out how this is still your fault.

Wally Mentors To Death

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Wally Mentors To Death - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags asok, Wally, successful, definition, minimum, alive, employed, comas, ruling

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Asok: Have you ever mentored anyone who went on to be successful? Wally: Depends on your definition of success. Asok: Well, at minimum, they'd need to be alive and gainfully employed. Wally: What's your ruling on comas?

Wally's Track Record As Mentor

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Wally's Track Record As Mentor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags abuse, Wally, Dilbert, coffee, self-inflicted, injuries, interns

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Wally: I checked up on all of the interns I've mentored over the years. Most of them died from self-inflicted inures. Dilbert: And the rest? Wally: The rest were killed by other people.