911 Inside Job Comic Strips - Page 24

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View 231 - 240 results for 911 inside job comic strips. Discover the best "911 Inside Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interviews, #human resources, #random statements, #ostriches eye, #bigger than brain, #randomness, #confession, #job interview, #approved questions, #business

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Boss: I'm only allowed to ask interview questions that have been approved by Human Resources. And they haven't approved any yet. So all I can do is make random statements. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Interviewee: So is mine!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interviews, #loneliness, #accomplishments, #job interview, #hnesty, #wrong motives, #employment, #make a difference, #catatonic

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Boss: Describe your biggest accomplishment from your last job. Interviewee: I made some phone calls and stuff. I think I made a difference. Boss: Do you want this job? Interviewee: Nah. Just lonely.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #acting ceo, #back slapping, #firing people, #slaps off roof, #abuse of power, #sacrifice

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Acting CEO Boss: No one told me what I'm supposed to do in this job. Catbert: 80% of the job is back-slapping and firing people. Boss: Good job, Ted. But not good enough.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #interrupting work, #jargon, #meeting with boss, #not enough passion, #stupid trendy, #performance evaluation

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Boss: You don't show enough passion for your job. Dilbert: Stop interrupting my work with your stupid, trendy management jargon! Was that better or worse? I don't know how to tell.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avoiding, #employees, #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #nothing going right, #avoid, #business

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Boss: Uh-oh. Alice: Guess what's going right for me today. Nothing!!! Boss: I usually do a better job of avoiding them when they have problems.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #negative, #good communicator, #terrible ideas, #be more positive, #fixed now, #good job, #leadership

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Boss: You're being too negative lately. Dilbert: Am I negative or am I a good communicator surrounded by terrible ideas. Boss: Just try to be more positive! Dilbert: Okay, I'm all fixed now. Good job on the leadership.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #ignorance (knowledge), #project team, #forrest fire, #dropping baby, #analogy, #available people, #stop progress

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Boss: Alice, I'm adding Jeff to your project team. Alice: That's like trying to put out a forest fire by dropping a baby on it. Boss: I'm available to help, too. Alice: Okay, your job is to keep Jeff from doing anything.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inventions, #automate, #drone, #send drone, #designed, #hydrogen, #wool sweater, #humanity

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Boss: I found a way to automate the hardest part of my job. I used to do a log of "management by walking around." It was exhausting. Now I just send my drone. I designed it myself and had it built in Elbonia. The hydrogen makes it lighter than air. Dilbert: Hydrogen? Boss: Let's see what Ted is up to. He's wearing a wool sweater today. Ted: Oh, the humanity! Boss: Hold this.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #complaining, #delegate, #match employees, #meeting, #work ethic, #apology, #terrible job, #business

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Wally: As I understand it, your job is to match employees with the right assignments. None of my projects turned out well, which means you did a terrible job. I'm not asking for an apology. Just follow your conscience.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #happiness, #tasks, #people, #commute, #paid less, #nothing about job, #psychology

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Dilbert: I like my job. But I don't like any of the tasks... or any of the people... I don't like the commute... and I'm paid less than I'm worth... and I'm not making the world a better place. Dogbert: Are you sure you like your job? Dilbert: Why do you ask?