Arms Out Comic Strips - Page 24

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View 231 - 240 results for arms out comic strips. Discover the best "Arms Out" comics from Dilbert.com.

Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime

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Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, business, criminals, user interface, software, lower tax rate, engineering

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Dilbert: Our tests show that people can't figure out how to use our software. And yet we still sell it. How are we different from criminals? Boss: Our tax rate is lower.

Asok The Stock Picking Genius

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Asok The Stock Picking Genius - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags day trader, greed, investing, luck, money, stock market, stocks

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Asok: I bought my first stock and it went up five percent in one week!That means I'm a stock-picking genius. I plan to max out all of my credit cards and become a day-trader. Dilbert: The total market is up six percent. Asok: That's just luck. It can't do that forever.

Dilbert Sent To Disable Elbonian Internet

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Dilbert Sent To Disable Elbonian Internet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags annoyance, binary, code, coding, developing countries, frustration, internet, technology

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Dilbert: I have been sent to disable the Elbonian Internet as retaliation for hacking into our corporate network. Elbonian 1: Only our elites use the Internet. The rest of us don't care. Knock yourself out. Elbonian 2: Zero, zero, one, zero, one... Elbonian 3: I wish someone would just disable this thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, job, laziness, strategic thinker, strategy, work ethic, worker bee, attend meetings, strategic, no work, business

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Wally: Can I create my own job? I hear people do that. They figure out what they are good at and then they create a job around it. I'm more of a strategic thinker than a worker bee. My job could be to attend meetings and say strategic things. And, of course, I would have no time to respond to email because I'd be busy being strategic. Boss: It feels as if you want a job that doesn't involve work. Wally: Would you trust a strategic thinker who can't solve his own problems?

Dolphin Lives In Sea Water

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Dolphin Lives In Sea Water - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags animal behavior, animals in captivity, dolphin, exotic pets, fish & aquatic mammals, russia, russian military, birthday clowns, drwoned, seawater, angry

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CEO: I bought a dolphin for my daughter's birthday party. But it turned out to be a retired Russian military dolphin. It dragged one of the birthday clowns into the pool and drowned him. Dilbert: I though dolphins need to live in seawater. CEO: Maybe that's why it's so angry.

The One Out Of Ten Guy

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The One Out Of Ten Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bad logic, knowledge, logic, statistics, studies, problem, department

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Coworker: You know how studies always say one out of ten people have a particular problem. I'm always that guy. Statistically speaking, I keep nine people safe just by existing. Dilbert: That's not how statistics work. Coworker: And... everyone else in the department knows that?

13 Percent Employees Engaged

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13 Percent Employees Engaged - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employee, employees, engagement, motivation, global survey, engaged at work, business

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Boss: A global survey says only 13% of employees feel engaged at work. Dilbert: If you're wondering which one of your employees is engaged, it's this guy. Boss: We need ten more just like him. Dilbert: I think I just figured out what's wrong with the rest of us.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags chakras, compatibility, dancing, dating, yoga, risk, guzzle wine, live music, chakra energy, hives, hate dance, relationships

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Woman: I like dancing and... Dilbert: I'm out. I avoid any relationship that has a risk of dancing. Woman: You're rejecting me because I like to dance? Dilbert: Yeah, it would start out all innocent... but two months into it you'd be guzzling wine and dragging me toward live music. Then you'd start doing all this... and this... and some of this... Woman: I also enjoy doing yoga to release my chakra energy. Does that bother you? Dilbert: I think I'm getting hives.

Boss Offers Constructive Criticism

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Boss Offers Constructive Criticism - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, insult, insults, managers, managers & supervisors, constructive critiscm, under informed, opinions, business

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Boss: Do you want some constructive criticism? Dilbert: No, but I would love some under-informed opinions about things you don't understand. Boss: That took a lot of fun out of it.

Winning The Bid

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Winning The Bid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bidding, executives, lying, outsourcing, projects, winning bid, good news, secretly subcontract, scream, presentation

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Dilbert: The good news is that we had the winning bid for the project. The less-good news is that we don't make the product we just sold, nor could we make it for the price we bid. My plan is to put out an RFP to secretly subcontract the work to a bigger liar. CEO: That could work.