Counting System Comic Strips - Page 24
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Dilbert stands on a book on a chair and works at a computer. He tells Dilbert, "I call my new operating system the 'Dogbert 2000.'" Dogbert continues, "Soon I will dominate the entire PC industry! Heh-heh . . ." Dilbert looks at the monitor and says, "It looks like 'Windows 95.'" Dogbert replies, "I use some of the same graphic metaphors, but I pronounce them differently." Dilbert asks, "How do you pronounce the 'Microsoft' logo?"
Dilbert and Wally sit at a table. The Boss enters the room and says, "I've got an idea!" Dilbert and Wally think, "We're doomed." The Boss asks, "Why can't we run our inventory database over our e-mail system?" Dilbert thinks, "Fact: that is the stupidest idea in the universe." Wally thinks, "Fact: his comprehension is so limited that debate is futile." Dilbert and Wally both think, "Fact: we could spend hours unsuccessfully explaining why it's a stupid idea." Dilbert and Wally think, "Fact: he would never know if we used his idea or not." Dilbert says, "No problem." Wally says, "We'll get right on it." The Boss walks away thinking, "My work is done." Wally tells Dilbert, "Stupidity is like nuclear power; it can be used for good or evil." Dilbert adds, "And you don't want to get any on you."
The Boss and Dogbert sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "It's inexplicable, but the low-cost system I sold you seems to be woefully under-powered." Dogbert continues, "You could replace it with another vendor's system, thus showing everybody you make a mistake. Or you can pay my outrageous upgrade fees." The Boss asks, "How big a fool do you think I am?" Dogbert replies, "I won't know until I see if you go for the lease option."
Dogbert stands on a desk and says to Wally, "It's funny - before your company bought that critical system from me, YOU had all the power . . ." Dogbert yells, "But now, only I can provide essential upgrades!! I call the shots, you simple fool!!" Dogbert says, "Send in the next employee." Outside the cubicle Dilbert and another employee are standing in line holding numbers. The man says, "At least we don't have any multi-vendor compatibility issues."
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "So, you ignored my recommendation and bought a low-cost system that's totally inadequate . . ." Dilbert holds up a document and continues, "You compensated for this blunder by making it part of MY objectives to make the system work . . ." Dilbert concludes, "You'll get a bonus for saving money. I'll get fired, thus saving more money and earning you ANOTHER bonus." The Boss replies, "I'm on a roll."
The Boss walks by and Dilbert says to him, "Please don't promise the product manager more than we can deliver." The product manager says to the Boss, "We need a totally new software interface in one month." The Boss replies, "You got it!" The woman continues, "And rewrite the operating system so we dominate the industry." The Boss says, "Concurrent development. Check." The woman thinks, "Suddenly I feel omnipotent." She stands up and says, "I want all new hardware, anti-gravity packaging, holographic agents . . ." The Boss yawns. The manager asks, "Can your team really do that in a month?" The Boss replies, "Let me get their reaction." The Boss shows Wally a document. Wally screams and his skull pops out of his mouth. Wally lies on the floor twitching. The Boss says, "Pessimism will not look good on your permformance review."
The Boss peers into Dilbert's cubicle and asks, "Are you working twice as fast since I doubled your staff?" Dilbert sits at his desk with Barry. He answers, "I've coded twelve modules . . . Barry is on a journey of discovery where he will find out my mouse is not a microphone." Speaking into the mouse, Barry says, "Hello! Anybody!" Back in his office, the Boss sits in front of the computer contemplating his mouse. He says, "That would explain why nobody ever comments on my announcements over the P.A. system."
The Boss sits at his desk and Alice sits across from him. The Boss says, "I've replaced the old rating system with a friendlier method. Now I compare each of you to an animal with similar traits." The Boss pushes a document toward Alice and says, "I rated you 'Tyrannosaurus Rex.'" Alice looks excited and says, "T. Rex - the mightiest dinosaur!!" The Boss says, "Think in terms of brain size."
The Boss stands next to an overhead projector. He points to the diagram on the screen and says, "We're taking away your individual cubicles. In the new system, you'll sign up for whatever cube is open that day." Sally and Wally are seated at a conference table. The Boss continues, "It's based on the model of public restrooms. But I call it 'Hoteling' because it increases my chances of getting tips." The Boss approaches Dilbert with a roll of note paper that looks like toilet paper and says, "Each cubicle will have a computer, a chair, and a roll of note paper . . . Take one and pass it around."
"Copy Room" "Stop right there!" "It's Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light." "What's in your hands?" "I'm just borrowing some paper for the laser printer. There's no law against that!" "I think we both know that the copier paper and the printer paper are purchased and tracked separately." "You've made a mockery of the system! I darn you to heck!" "Your punishment is to sit at the secretary's cubicle and endure the stale wit of your co-workers." "Hey, Wendy, there's something different about you today!"