Garbage Man Comic Strips - Page 24

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View 231 - 240 results for garbage man comic strips. Discover the best "Garbage Man" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, walking races, urgent looking walk, wasting time, magnificent creature

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Wally: I'm practicing my urgent-looking walk. This walk says I'm working on stuff that is so important I can't risk wasting five seconds. Coworker 1: Who is that magnificent creature? Coworker 2: That man has someplace to be!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cancel service, deception, dogcart document, garbage trucks, service business, storage

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Boss: We've been using The Dogbert Offsite Document Storage Service for five years, and frankly, I'm concerned. Your service trucks look suspiciously like garbage trucks. I would cancel your service if I could find the contract. Dogbert: It's in "storage."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags honesty, relations between the sexes, collaborate, sexism, water down, interpretation

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Boss: Alice, I want you to collaborate with Larry. Alice: And by collaborate you mean water down my brilliance with this dullard's brain flatulence. Boss: She doesn't play well with others. Alice: If I were a man, you'd call it confidence.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cheeseburger, dead man walking, deception, dried apricot, heart, inventions, medical diagnosis, program to hate, neutrino sensor

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Wally: I programmed our robot to make medical diagnoses. It can scan your body using its neutrino sensor. Robot, please demonstrate. Robot: Dead man walking! Boss: What? Robot: Your brain is the size of a dried apricot. Your heart is more cheeseburger than human tissue. You will be dead in eleven days, six hours, and nineteen minutes. Boss: Gaaa!!! Robot: Why did you program me to hate people? Wally: It was easier than inventing a neutrino sensor.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, replacing system, outdated, gamification, hot new trend, employees wins, badges, ribbons, awrds, cash value, garbage, emotional value

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Boss: We're replacing our outdated system of annual performance reviews. The new system is called Gramification. It's a hot new trend. Employees can win badges, ribbons, and awards for completing tasks. Dilbert: Can we opt for the cash value of those badges, ribbons, and awards? Boss: They don't have any cash value. Dilbert: Oh. Like garbage? Boss: No, not like garbage! Except in the narrow sense of having no functional, economic, or emotional value. Garbage is something you throw away. Dilbert: Hand me an award and watch carefully.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, honesty, managers & supervisors, worthless garbage, business

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Dilbert: If I complain about a co-worker, can you handle it discreetly and keep me out of it? Boss: Yes. Dilbert says you're a worthless piece of garbage. He guessed it was you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, monsters, taxes, taxpayers head explode, turned on, head explodes, taxpayers, frustration

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Writing the Tax Code Monster: If we do this right, it will be so complicated that it will make taxpayers' heads explode. Dogbert: Hee! Hee! Man: Multiply line 32 times the opposite of the integral of line 19 unless my pants have pleats and gaaaa!!!! Dogbert: Do you ever feel bad about doing this? Monster: I'd be lying if I said it didn't turn me on just a little.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags do nothing robot, lazy, replacement, robot, similar to man, uncomplicated, websites, coffee drinker

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The Boss: I bought a robot to replace you. All it does is drink coffee and look at inappropriate websites. The boss: Did I forget anything? Wally: No, I not a complicated man.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineering experince, job interview, no friends, social influence, social media score

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The Boss; Your engineering looks great, but your social media score is nearly zero. You have no friends , no followers, and no social influence whatsoever. Man: because I four on my work! The Boss: No, Im pretty sure you're dead.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags angel, fix things, granted wishes, know it all, needy, questions, things gone wrong, workers, angel of competence

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Angel: I am the angel of competence. I have come to mark you as an engineer turn around, Dilbert: So, its like an honor? Angel: Sure, if that makes you feel better. The Boss: Can you show me how to set ups my wireless router at home? Tina: My phone keeps freezing up, can you look at it? Ted: How long should I barbecue trick-tip? Man: The pilot lightly on my water heater is out, How do you fix cracks in a driveway? what exactly does iCloud do? GAAA!!! Dilbert: I need to talk to the angel of competence have you seen him? Wally: He died in my cubicle, Thats all Im saying.