Job Comic Strips - Page 24
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936 Results for Job
View 231 - 240 results for job comic strips. Discover the best "Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday May 03,
2014
Tags magician, press agents, pubilcity, famous magician, fired, stayed in swear, rats for month
Transcript
Dilbert: Your last job was doing publicity for a famous magician. Why did you leave. Interviewee: My boss fired me after the trick where he stayed in a sewer full of rats for a month. Dilbert: I didn't hear about that. Interviewee: I forgot to tell anyone it was happening.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday April 27,
2014
Tags business ethics, deception, new business strategy, laptop, coffee shop, public access, wifi, hackers, strategy document, sell secrets, competitors, business strategy, break in
Transcript
Dilbert: Wally, I want you to create a new business strategy for the company. Then use your laptop in a coffee shop that has public access to wi-fi. Hackers will get into your computer in minutes and steal your strategy document. With any luck, the hackers will sell those secrets to our competitors. Obviously, we would never use any strategy you created, so our competitors will be misled. Wally: So... you want me to do a bad job on an assignment and then go drink coffee? Boss: Can you handle that? Wally: I like my odds. Dilbert: Why do you want a copy of our business strategy? Wally: It'll save a step.
Wednesday April 23,
2014
Tags conversation, deception, insincere compliments, make likable, didn't spill, no change
Transcript
Dilbert: I read that using people's names and giving insincere compliments will make me likeable. Good job pouring that coffee, Wally. You didn't spill a drop. Wally: I don't feel any different. Dilbert: Maybe the problem is on your end.
Sunday April 20,
2014
Tags cleaning, engineers, coal break room, highest priority, mold grow, mutating bacteria, rapidly eveolved, sentient being, fueled by lunch, learned languages, job in hr, plans on firing, inappropriate websites
Transcript
Tina: You need to clean the break room refrigerator more often. Wally: We're engineers. We only do the highest priority tasks. Tina: Mold started to grow in there. Wally: That's no big deal. Tina: Bacteria caused the mold to mutate. Wally: So what? Tina: It rapidly evolved into a sentient being fueled by forgotten lunches. Then it learned language skills and got a job in Human Resources. It plans to frame you for viewing inappropriate websites at work and then fire you. Wally: This sort of thing usually works itself out.
Thursday April 17,
2014
Tags interviews, human resources, random statements, ostriches eye, bigger than brain, randomness, confession, job interview, approved questions, business
Transcript
Boss: I'm only allowed to ask interview questions that have been approved by Human Resources. And they haven't approved any yet. So all I can do is make random statements. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Interviewee: So is mine!
Wednesday April 16,
2014
Tags interviews, loneliness, accomplishments, job interview, hnesty, wrong motives, employment, make a difference, catatonic
Transcript
Boss: Describe your biggest accomplishment from your last job. Interviewee: I made some phone calls and stuff. I think I made a difference. Boss: Do you want this job? Interviewee: Nah. Just lonely.
Friday April 11,
2014
Tags executives, acting ceo, back slapping, firing people, slaps off roof, abuse of power, sacrifice
Transcript
Acting CEO Boss: No one told me what I'm supposed to do in this job. Catbert: 80% of the job is back-slapping and firing people. Boss: Good job, Ted. But not good enough.
Monday April 07,
2014
Tags anger, interrupting work, jargon, meeting with boss, not enough passion, stupid trendy, performance evaluation
Transcript
Boss: You don't show enough passion for your job. Dilbert: Stop interrupting my work with your stupid, trendy management jargon! Was that better or worse? I don't know how to tell.
Thursday April 03,
2014
Tags avoiding, employees, frustration, managers & supervisors, nothing going right, avoid, business
Transcript
Boss: Uh-oh. Alice: Guess what's going right for me today. Nothing!!! Boss: I usually do a better job of avoiding them when they have problems.
Thursday January 30,
2014
Tags frustration, negative, good communicator, terrible ideas, be more positive, fixed now, good job, leadership
Transcript
Boss: You're being too negative lately. Dilbert: Am I negative or am I a good communicator surrounded by terrible ideas. Boss: Just try to be more positive! Dilbert: Okay, I'm all fixed now. Good job on the leadership.


