New Employee Comic Strips - Page 24
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1000 Results for New Employee
View 231 - 240 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday January 30,
2017
Robotic Hair Transplant
Tags coffee, conversation, hair, surgery, medical
Transcript
Never go to a robotic hair transplant center on the same day they upgrade the software. Is that the surgery where they take hair from the back of your head and fill in the bald spot? That's how the old software worked. The new one didn't respect boundaries.
Thursday January 26,
2017
Boss Tweets Sexist Stuff
Tags cell phone, computer, conversation, desk, tweets, technology
Transcript
Our customers organized a boycott because of your racist tweet. I know. That's why I tweeted out some witty insults at the organizers. Your new tweets are sexist. Notice how the make you forget about my racist tweets?
Saturday January 14,
2017
Fairness Is For Kids And Idiots
Tags fair, fairness, wages, equality, worth, money
Transcript
Dilbert: The new hire gets paid more than me. It isn't fair. Dogbert: Fairness is a concept that was invented so kids and idiots could participate in debates. Dilbert: Hey, that's not fair. Dogbert: The best case scenario here is that you're younger than you look.
Friday January 13,
2017
New Hire Makes More
Tags wages, salary, compensation, fairness, negotiation, confrontation, money
Transcript
Dilbert: I just found out that the new hire makes more than I do. Boss: It isn't my fault that you're a terrible negotiator. Dilbert: I don't like confrontation. Boss: I know. It saves me a lot of money. Shoo!
Sunday December 25,
2016
Tags jargon, speech, words, nonsense, training, trainee, strategy, laziness
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I want you to train our new hire. Wally: The first thing you need to know is that we never use the DPX system when the MGB is down. Man: The... what and the what? Wally: Hold your questions till the end. You can use our PX4 to tunnel into the B9 data and produce at TMNP report. But you'll need authorization from the LDG and the MICOO. Man: I don't understand any of that! Wally: I toldy you to hold your questions until the end. Always remember to jost the primpram whenever the gip is fleeming toward kilp. Man: Maybe I should ask someone else to train me. Wally: Now we're making progress.
Monday December 19,
2016
Who's Turn To Lie
Thursday December 08,
2016
Ceo Fixes His Problem
Tags product safety, danger, battery, recall, cell phone, samsung, media, Entertainment, technology
Transcript
CEO: The press says I need to resign because of our exploding phones fiasco. Dilbert: Maybe you can change their minds by sending the press our new model that doesn't explode. CEO: I already sent them the exploding phones and said it was our new models. Your way left too much to chance.
Tuesday December 06,
2016
Ted Gets A New Phone
Monday December 05,
2016
Exploding Phones
Tags bomb, cell phone, samsung, fire, explosion, competition, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: We're getting bad press because the batteries in our new line of mobile phones keep exploding. Boss: Load them into a big truck and park it in front of our competitor's building. Dilbert: Technically, that would be domestic terrorism. Boss: There are way too many laws.
Sunday December 04,
2016
Tags scam, language, accent, communication
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm starting a foreign accent schools for the lazy. People assume you're smarter when you know more than one language. But learning a new language takes too much work. So I'll teach you how to speak your own language with a foreign accent. People will assume you are bilingual at the very least. And when you use bad grammar with a foreign accent it makes you look adorable. You'll never need to do another courtesy laugh, either. People will just assume you didn't get the joke. Dilbert: This is one of your better ideas. Dogbert: You should hear it with an accent!


