Secretaries (Office) Comic Strips - Page 24
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1000 Results for Secretaries (Office)
View 231 - 240 results for secretaries (office) comic strips. Discover the best "Secretaries (Office)" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday June 30,
2019
Beg And Pay Store
Tags business, office, buying, selling, begging, internet
Transcript
dogbert: i'm opening a beg-and-pay store. dilbert: what will you be selling? dogbert: selling? dogbert: you are way behind the times. dogbert: stores don't sell things anymore. dogbert: selling would require good customer service and lots of stock on hand. dogbert: if you want that sort of thing, use the internet. dogbert: i just want a place where people can go and beg me to sell them stuff that isn't in stock. office worker: can you help me find this hat in my size? dogbert: beg!!!
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday June 29,
2019
Drooling Incompetents
Tags business, managers & supervisors, office, office workers, competent, incompetent
Transcript
wally at team meeting. wally: i've been asked to lead this project toward failure so my boss can convince our ceo to cancel it. wally: i'd like all of the competent people on the team to step aside, while the drooling incompetents who remain drive it into a ditch. office worker: how can we know who among us are the competent ones? wally: well, for starters, they don't ask that question.
Friday June 28,
2019
Zombie Projects
Tags business, office, zombie, sloth, fail, salary
Transcript
the boss: wally, i'm putting you in charge of all the zombie projects that refuse to die. the boss: i'm counting on your sloth and incompetence to finish them off, so management feels comfortable finally canceling them. the boss: as of today, i'm paying you to fail. wally: actually, this is just the first time you're aware of it.
Thursday June 27,
2019
Jargon Cancelling Headphones
Tags doctor, doctors' offices, office, office workers, prescription, headphones, jargon
Transcript
doctor: looks like you have a bad case of jargon poisoning. doctor: i'll write you a prescription for jargon-canceling headphones. they translate jargon words to normal words. office worker: let's stay in our swim lane while the tiger teams get buy-in on the verticals. dilbert hears this with headphones: nothing, nothing, nothing.
Wednesday June 26,
2019
Jargon Poisoning
Tuesday June 25,
2019
Encouraging Smoking
Tags business, meeting, office, office workers, smoking, turnover, breaks
Transcript
dibert, the boss and ask at conference table. the boss: our plan for reducing turnover is to encourage smoking. the boss: that way, everyone gets a relaxing smoke break several times per day. dilbert: or non-smokers could take breaks. the boss: now i wish you had been in the meeting when we planned this.
Monday June 24,
2019
How To Reduce Turnover
Sunday June 23,
2019
Tags budget, business, office, raise, project
Transcript
the boss: i can't give you a raise because you did not complete your project. dilbert: that's because you canceled my project for budget reasons and assigned me to work on another project. the boss: did you finish your new project? dilbert: you only recently assigned it to me. the boss: apparently, i keep giving you work, but you never complete any of it. dilbert visually distressed: that is a total distortion of what happened! dilbert: i can't reward you for having good intentions and finishing nothing! dilbert: why not wait and see now i do on my current project? the boss: we don't need that anymore.
Saturday June 22,
2019
Lawyer Can't Be Too Careful
Tags business, lawyers, office, agreement, legalese
Transcript
company lawyer: i made seven hundred suggested changes to the agreement. dilbert: you have turned a good income opportunity into a flaming cesspool of impenetrable legalese. company lawyer: you can't be too careful. dilbert: i think you just proved we can.
Friday June 21,
2019
Lawyers Take Years
Tags business, lawyers, office, agreement, years
Transcript
team meeting in conference room. dilbert: we can close the deal as soon as our lawyers tweak a few minor sentences in the agreement. the boss: how long will that take? dilbert: probably several years. the boss: what if i help them? dilbert: add 3 years.


