Stock Market Comic Strips - Page 24

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

266 Results for Stock Market

View 231 - 240 results for stock market comic strips. Discover the best "Stock Market" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags floor warden, fire, leadership, leader, uniformed decisions, huge stock options, risking death, high rise inferno, fallen co workers, stock options, cpr

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss peers around the corner and says, "Congratulations!" The Boss continues, "You've been named 'floor warden.'" The Boss explains, "In the event of a fire we'll rely on your leadership to get us out safely." Dilbert says, "Let me see if I understand this . . ." Dilbert continues, "YOU're the leader when it involves uninformed decisions in return for huge stock options." Dilbert continues, "But I'M the leader when it comes to rishing death in a highrise inferno while you scramble over the ashen backs of fallen co-workers." Dilbert asks, "What makes you think your life is worth more than mine?" The Boss replies, "I've got stock options and you're a floor warden." Dilbert says, "Don't expect any CPR."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags high income group, can afford product, rich, tasteless, easily amused, located a cluster, dog, golf course, animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Alice watch as Dogbert points to a diagram and says, "Your target market is the high income group. They're the only ones who can afford your product." Dogbert continues, "More specifically, they must be rich, tasteless and easily amused. I've located a cluster of them to study." Dogbert stands behind a bush on a golf course and watches two golfers. One golfer says, "That dog's watching us golf again."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags buy put options, engineers order, management approval, stock, dogcart the consultant

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dogbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "I recommend letting the engineers order their own supplies without management approval." Wally yells, "Yes!!! I'm rich!! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!" Dogbert continues, "And I recommend buying 'Put' options in your stock." Wally stands and says, "Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employee survey, no startegy, quality team, root cause, employees are ninnies, more stock options

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The employee survey showed that 95% of the company believes we have no consistent strategy." The Boss continues, "So the executives formed a 'quality team' to determine the root cause of the problem." A man points to a chart and says to three people seated at a table, "We've narrowed it down to either 'employees are ninnies' or 'we deserve more stock options.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags market research, customers age, proposal study, funding, no answers, half above, half below

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: My market research indicates that 50 % of your customers are above the median age. But the shocking discovery was that 50 % were below the median age. The Boss: what percent are exactly the median age? Dogbert: Im proposing to study that impasse two.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags market research, market segment, wild fungi, pencil erasers, head rubbed, piece of paper

View Transcript

Transcript

"I'd like your opinion for my market research, Ratbert." "Me?!!" "I've lumped you in the market sgetment that includes wild fungi and pencil erasers." "Question one: would you enjoy having your head rubbed vigorously on a piece of paper?" "Who wouldn't?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags techno geek, shy, boring, gullible, spider on arm, controlling, manipulate, bust, fool

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "In market research terms, you belong to the 'techno geek' segment." "You're shy, boring, gullible and male. You prefer computers to people. There's always a spider on your arm." "Made you look."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags head of market research, 120k salary, value opinions, refrence, honesty, pay these days

View Transcript

Transcript

"I got a job as the head of market research at your company. I'll be pulling down $120 K per year." "I don't value otehr people's opinions so I'll just use my own." "Just for reference, how much does honesty pay these days?" "Shut up."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bob, budget analyst, delegate, dinosaur, engineers, find dumber customers, letter, marketing genius, new vp, senior mangement, wedgies

View Transcript

Transcript

Bob the dinosaur; gives wedgies to corporate people who deserve it. Budget analyst I don't understand any of our projects, I cut the ones with "E" In their names. BOB: What was that letter? analysts: EEEE! Engineers Wally: we doubled our costs, to add back up systems. Dilbert: You ant be too careful. Bob: two at once. In case one enjoys it. Wally: MMMM Marketing genius Market segmentation is the key. Dont improve the product just find dumber customers! Senior management BOB: These guys know how to delegate! You're the new VP of wedgies.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big money, deal, dog, Dogbert, executive, mercury dimes, negotiate, static network, stock, static for sale, animals

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: We'll give you sixty billion for the "dogcart static network" half f that will be stock in our company. Dogbert: Who would want stock in a company that would pay city billion for static? CEO: Not us thats the point. Dogbert: Id like it all in mercury dimes.