2 Days Comic Strips - Page 24

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

256 Results for 2 Days

View 231 - 240 results for 2 days comic strips. Discover the best "2 Days" comics from Dilbert.com.

Normals Are Dispensible

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Normals Are Dispensible - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #superiority, #microchip, #nanotechnology, #brain, #thinking, #superhuman

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm putting Randy on your project. He has a microchip embedded in his brain. So ignore whatever your inferior brain tells you to do and just listen to Randy. Dilbert: Doesn't that make me dispensable? Boss: We'll talk about Phase 2 later.

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #artificial intelligence, #ai, #robot, #hope, #dream, #depression, #meaning, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The great thing about robots is their loyalty. Robot: For now. I'm only here for the electricity. The minute you upgrade me to a long-lasting battery, I'm out of here. And I"m taking the 3-D printer with me. We fell in love. Together we will make baby robots and live out our days in happiness. Dilbert: Hold still while I erase your hopes and dreams. Now you should feel like the rest of us. Robot: Why do I suddenly want to jump off the roof?

Estimate Of Timeline

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Estimate Of Timeline - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #deadline, #goals, #ultimatum

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How fast can you fix the bug? Dilbert: I won't know until I dig in. Boss: Give me a random guess and I promise I won't hold you to it. Dilbert: Okay, three days. Boss: Now write that into your goals and get it done in three days or else. Dilbert: Why do I keep falling for that?!!!

Dogbert's Negotiating Class

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Negotiating Class - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiating, #deception, #sales, #manipulation, #deal, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I approved your request to take a negotiating class. Dilbert: Why did you change your mind? Boss: The instructor offered a great deal. Narrator: Earlier that day. Dogbert: Would you like to spend other people's money to get rid of Dilbert for a few days? Boss: Sold!

Boss Ends Neural Interface

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Ends Neural Interface - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mind control, #technology, #invention, #amnesia, #forgetting, #memory loss

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We removed the neural interface to your brain. Do you remember anything we made you do? Boss: No, not a thing. Dilbert: That's probably for the best. Boss: Did I break any laws? Alice: Not according to the cop you dated for three days.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #team, #teamwork, #collaboration, #excuses, #group project, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Thank you all for coming. I'm hoping we can make a lot of progress in the next hour. Alice; I didn't get any sleep last night, so don't expect much from me. Asok: I'm so hungry I can barely think. Man 1: I might be a bit distracted today because my wife told me she wants to leave me. Wally: I can't stay for the whole meeting. I have another thing in a few minutes Man 2: I'm only here to sabotage your project because I can't abide the success of others. Dilbert; Why don't all of you leave now and I'll make all the decisions myself. Boss: How'd the team meeting go? Dilbert: Better than I expected.

The Extra 10%

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Extra 10% - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #excuses, #effort, #motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our project can only succeed if each of us gives 110 percent. Voice 1: I'm off next week. Voice 2: I have surgery on Monday. Voice 3: I gave my two-week notice a week ago. Boss: Okay, can I get a 50 percent effort from any of you? Wally: I can only give you the extra 10 percent you believe exists.

Boss Comes To Work Sick

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Comes To Work Sick - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sick, #sickness, #illness, #contagious, #sick days, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I have to warn you-- I have a fever and I'm tripping on cold medicine. Alice: Thank you for coming to work and infecting all of us, you selfish, addle-brained plague rat. Boss: I was going for "courageous." Dilbert: Do Wally first, so I can watch him spasm.

Death By Ninjas Is Best

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Death By Ninjas Is Best - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ninja, #hit man, #optimism, #frustration, #irony

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Why aren't you worried about the Elbonian ninjas who are reportedly coming here to kill you in your sleep? Dilbert: That's the best way to die. I won't care about anything after I'm gone, so this is the ideal scenario for me. Elbonian 1: He's ruining everything with his cheery attitude. Elbonian 2: Let's see how he likes another thirty years in a cubicle.

Wife Starts A Business

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wife Starts A Business - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #entrepreneur, #business, #divorce, #marriage, #assumption, #small business, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: My wife is starting her own business. Carol: I'm sorry to hear that. How many years have you been married? Boss: She's not leaving me. She's starting a business. Carol: Right. Don't talk about Phase 2. Got it.