Buy Comic Strips - Page 24
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265 Results for Buy
View 231 - 240 results for buy comic strips. Discover the best "Buy" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday July 11,
2015
Ceo Is Slave Owner
Tags slave, slaves, slavery, buying, pay, wages, housework, house servant, maid, maids, help, money
Transcript
Wally: I hear you're a slave owner now. CEO: No, nothing like that. All I did was buy some Elbonians on the Internet. Wally: Do they clean your house without pay? CEO: I assume they're a tidy people.
Sunday September 27,
2015
Tags illusion, strategy, business, executives, bluff, bluffing
Transcript
CEO: Revenue is dropping, but don't panic. We have a new strategy that will fix everything. Dilbert: How do you know it's a good strategy. CEO: I can tell by looking at it. Dilbert: Why don't all failing companies create great new strategies and become profitable? CEO: Hmmm. Good question. Dilbert: Maybe it's because no one can tell a good strategy from a bad one, but acting like you know the difference gets you a bigger paycheck. CEO: I just need buy-in for the strategy. Wally: If you give me a raise, I can pretend to know it's good.
Sunday November 22,
2015
Tags modernity, reality, thinking, frustration, panic, existentialism, existence, meaning of life
Transcript
Dilbert: Looks like another day of flailing toward arbitrary goals. I will battle my way through a sea of idiots, much like the zombie apocalypse. My ego will be tested and my nervous system will be degraded. And all of this is to earn money so I can... buy items that scientists and product designers have brainwashed me to crave. But I get back at them by writing software they think they can't live without. My life is like two piles of meat trying to play ping pong. Alice: Stop mumbling and take care of this. Dilbert: You take care of it.
Wednesday March 16,
2016
Dogbert's Negotiating Class
Tags book, deal, negotiating, negotiation, self help, guest artist, josh shipley
Transcript
Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's one-week training class for negotiators. I believe in leading by example, so this entire course will involve me trying to persuade you to buy my book. If everyone in the class buys my book, you can all have the rest of the week off. Voice: Done.
Monday August 01,
2016
Brittle Phone Design
Tags cell phone, big business, fragile, iphone, technology
Transcript
Boss: We made our new phone extra-brittle and gave it a sleek, but slippery case. Consumers will be forced to choose between an ugly protective cover or replacing the phone three times a year. Dilbert: Who would buy such a thing? Boss: We also made it addictive.
Tuesday November 01,
2016
Alice Gives Approval
Tags deal, support, negotiations
Transcript
Dilbert: Our pointy-haired boss asked me to get everyone's buy-in on this. Alice: I'll agree to your stupid idea if you support my great idea later. Dilbert: Deal. Alice: Should I read it? Dilbert: I don't see why.
Thursday November 03,
2016
Wally Gives Approval
Tags laziness, signature, ignorance, reading, fine print
Transcript
Dilbert: I need everyone's buy-in on this. Wally: Do I have to read it? Dilbert: No. Wally: That's the sort of idea I can get behind.
Friday November 04,
2016
Asok Approves
Tags desperate, desperation, intern, subordinate, value, importance
Transcript
Asok: I hear you need everyone's buy-in to proceed with your project. Dilbert: Everyone except you. No one cares what interns think. Asok: May I please approve it so I feel alive? Dilbert: Well... okay. But you owe me one.
Saturday November 19,
2016
Offending The Janitor
Tags politically correct, offensive, language, misunderstanding
Transcript
Boss: Ted, I have to fire you because you said something that offended the janitor. Ted: What did I say?! Boss: I don't know. The janitor has a thick accent and he's terrible at charades. Elbonian 1: Did you take care of the buy who keeps putting banana peels in the recycling? Elbonian 2: He won't do it again.
Sunday January 15,
2017
Tags job, scope, negotiating, engineer, demands, failure, stress, business, engineering
Transcript
Boss: We need to cut our budget. Go to all of our vendors and tell them to reduce their prices. Dilbert: Why would they do that for us? Boss: Tell them we'll buy from someone else unless they do. Dilbert: That's what we told them to get the prices we have now. I'm an engineer, not a professional negotiator. Your plan has failure designed into it. Your poor leadership already has me on the edge of madness. This could push me over the edge. Boss: And I need it done by Tuesday.


