Career Success Comic Strips - Page 24

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

331 Results for Career Success

View 231 - 240 results for career success comic strips. Discover the best "Career Success" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #posterior, #fat ass, #chair, #prnak, #lied boss, #like goldfish, #big charis, #big ass

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice stands in front of the Boss' desk and says, "My posterior is growing to fit the size of my chair." The Boss asks, "Is that possible?" Alice replies, "Posteriors are like goldfish. They grow to the limit of their environment." The Boss replies, "That's ridiculous. I have the biggest chair. That would mean..." Alice quickly says, "Forget I brought it up. Well, back to work." Wally and Dilbert stand looking over the wall of a cubicle. Alice walks by and Dilbert asks, "Mission report?" Alice replies, "Success." Alice rubs her hands together and says, "The glue on his chair should be set by now." The Boss walks down the hall with his desk chair stuck to him. He thinks, "I guess this is why goldfishes don't use chairs."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #whos incredible list, #can buy book, #leather bound, #gullible

View Transcript

Transcript

Looking at a piece of paper, Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Wow! I've been selected for the 'Who's Incredible' list!" Dilbert continues to Dogbert, "For seventy-five dollars I can buy a leather-bound book with my name in it!" Dilbert says, "Ha! And people said I was too gullible to be a success!" Dogbert reads the piece of paper, "Dear Occupant."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new guy, #no assignment, #looking for project, #ineffectual, #good attendance, #head nodding

View Transcript

Transcript

A new employee approaches Dilbert and says, "I'm a new guy with no assignment. I'm looking for a project to horn into." The new employee continues, "But don't be threatened by me. I'm exceptionally ineffectual." The new employee continues, "I'm trying to build a career based on good attendance and head-nodding."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #impossible assignment, #right place, #reword, #objectives, #match, #analyzed, #feasibility, #project, #discontinue

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is home in his bathrobe. He says to Dogbert, "Can you help me weasel out of an impossible assignment?" Dogbert replies, "You came to the right place." Dogbert continues, "Gradually reword the objectives of the project until one day they match what you've already done." Headline: Six Months Later. Dilbert says to The Boss, "I successfully analyzed the feasibility of discontinuing the project." The Boss responds, "Success!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #moneybags magazine, #ask employees, #claims are true, #cover story

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert is sitting at a desk. Bob the Dinosaur approaches and says, "The reporter from Moneybags Magazine is here." Dogbert responds, "Send him in." The reporter sits across from Dogbert. Dogbert asks, "Are you planning to ask my employees if my claims are true?" The reporter replies, "Nah, too lazy." Dogbert says, "I credit my success to the foot massages I personally give to each employee." The reporter takes notes and thinks to himself, "Cover story!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #just in time, #inventory, #strategy, #deepest sympathy, #sharp stabbing pain, #promises

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is meeting with a client. The client says, "My company is moving to a 'Just in Time' inventory strategy. You'll deliver when we need it." Dilbert responds, "So.. your success depends on my company doing what it promises? You have my deepest sympathy." The client points to his own chest and says, "I feel a sharp, stabbing pain in my chest." Dilbert replies, "And so it begins."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alice, #rich guy, #care about personality, #hugged too tight

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice gets downsized. Wally: "Maybe your next career could be marrying a rich guy." "There must be a guy out there who wouldn't care about your personality." "If she offers you a goodbye hug, don't take it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #speak at school, #sons school, #disguise bitterness, #punish son, #honored to speak

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: "Would you consider speaking at my son's school on career day?" "I'd do it myself, but I can't disguise the bitterness and despair that gnaw at my soul." "Plus my son has been bad and I told him I'd punish him." The boss: "I'd be honored to speak."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #advice for cousin, #carerradvice, #dilmon, #frustrated work environement, #scratch out meager living

View Transcript

Transcript

Your cousin Lauren just got her degree in English. Can you give her some career advice? "Would you enjoy scratching out a meager living in a frustrating work environment?" "I've never thought about it." "Obviously."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conference call, #success, #set up, #15 people, #forgot to call in, #mute buttons, #spinning story

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: The conference call was a huge sucess. "Three out of 15 people were available and only one of them forgot to call in." The boss: "So it was a phone call between two people?" Asok: "It would have been if they hadn't used the mute buttons."