Defective Coworker Comic Strips - Page 24
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273 Results for Defective Coworker
View 231 - 240 results for defective coworker comic strips. Discover the best "Defective Coworker" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday July 30,
2014
Tags engineers, relations between the sexes, silicon valley startup, socially awkward, seen a woman, four years, scalable architecture
Transcript
Boss: We bought a Silicon Valley start-up just to get the engineers. Be gentle with them. They're socially awkward and they haven't seen a woman in four years. Coworker: Who's up for a debate about scalable architecture followed by some spawning.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Monday August 11,
2014
Tags consumes resources, cruelty, gentle with crticism, software, soils itself, technology, tradition, useless blob, engineering
Transcript
Coworker: Tradition requires you to disparage every technology decision made before you got involved. But please be gentle with your criticism of my software. It's like my baby. Dilbert: If you mean your software is a useless blob that consumes resources and soils itself, we are in agreement.
Wednesday September 03,
2014
Tags apathy, dangerously incompetent, last day of work, lazy, software, tell everyone, train, unwarranted confidence, engineering
Transcript
Coworker: This is my last day of work, so I won't have time to completely train you on the software. But I can show you enough to give you unwarranted confidence, when you should be feeling dangerously incompetent. Dilbert: That sounds worse than doing nothing. Coworker: Before I leave, I'll tell everyone you're lazy.
Monday September 08,
2014
Tags big business, competition (psychology), bad ads, increase sales, competitors, running ads, increases ads, strategic incompetence, luck
Transcript
Coworker: Our ads are so bad that they increase sales for our competitors. Boss: Try running ads for our competitors and see if it increases our sales. Dilbert: Strategic incompetence? Boss: I didn't get this far by luck!
Sunday October 12,
2014
Tags budgets, deadlines, logic, obliviousness, projects, reasoning, software upgrade, rolled out, estimated finish date, same way, failure, on budget
Transcript
Coworker: The software upgrade will be written and rolled out in three months. Dilbert: Has any project of this complexity ever been completed by the estimated finish date? Coworker: Not yet. We're confident we'll be the first. Dilbert: Is that because you're doing things differently from all of those who went before and failed? Coworker: No. We're doing things exactly the same way as the people who failed. Dilbert: Do you see what I'm getting at? Coworker: No, not really. And we expect to be on budget. Wally: Snork!
Wednesday October 15,
2014
Tags blame, deadlines, originality, partnership, project milestones, toxic moron, incapable, original thought, same
Transcript
Boss: You two have failed to meet your project milestones. Dilbert: That's because you paired me with a toxic moron who is incapable of having an original thought. Coworker: That happened to me, too.
Tuesday October 28,
2014
Tags 3 months, multiple projects, multitasking, projects, waiting, work ethic, patience
Transcript
Coworker: Three months. That's how long I have been waiting for you to do your part of the project. Wally: Perhaps you don't realize how many projects I'm on. Coworker: Have you done any work for the other projects? Wally: That would defeat the point of having multiple projects.
Friday October 31,
2014
Tags annoy, annoyance, corpse, escalade, experience, inexperience, murder, premeditated murder, prototype, scientific, strangle, boss
Transcript
Inexperienced Guy. Coworker: Can you answer some questions about our product prototype? Alice: No, but I would be happy to strangle you with your own lanyard and put your corpse in my boss' Escalade to frame him for the crime. Coworker: That scenario is alarmingly specific. Alice: For this sort of thing, premeditated is the way to go.
Wednesday November 12,
2014
We Will Never Forget Ted
Tags coworker, coworkers, death, tributes, morning, beloved collegue, never forget, medical
Transcript
Boss: We mourn the untimely passing of our beloved colleague, Fred. We will never forget him. Dilbert: It was Ted, not Fred. Boss: Was he beloved? Wally: I don't remember. It was like a week ago.
Friday November 28,
2014
How You Should Have Engineered It
Tags criticism, engineering, pessimism
Transcript
Dilbert: Let's skip to the part where I tell you how you should have engineered it instead of whatever you did. Coworker: You don't know what I did. Dilbert: I have five minutes to pretend that matters. Coworker: That's all I need.