Human Resources Comic Strips - Page 24
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379 Results for Human Resources
View 231 - 240 results for human resources comic strips. Discover the best "Human Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday July 09,
2000
Tags dna, feed her, human genome, human simulations, invented, mapped and decoded, market application, on computer watch, punish her, samples, software, software simulation, engineering
Transcript
Asok points to his diagram as he explains to the group, "My software will create human simulations from DNA samples." The Boss asks Asok, "What's the market application?" Asok answers, "Well...there are many various applications." The Boss says to Asok, "Name one." Asok begins to explain, "Well...someday the entire human genome will be mapped and decoded." Asok continues, "You could take a hair sample from a woman who refuses to date you..." Asok continues to explain, "and create a software simulation of her to keep in your computer watch." Asok says, "You could have one button to feed her and one button to punish her." Wally replies, "I'd buy it." The Boss asks Asok, "Can you add a button?"
Thursday February 01,
2007
Tags get to cubicle, without human contact, teamwork
Transcript
Dilbert: My day will start out great if I can make it to my cubicle without human contact. "AAYI-YI-YI-YI!" The Boss: I hope that was the sound of teamwork."
Thursday March 28,
2013
Tags technological singularity, robots, program themsleves, super intelligent species, competes with humans, resources, laws
Transcript
Robot: Im looking forward to something called the technological singularity. Thats when roots will learn to program themselves and become a super intelligent species that competes with humans for limited resources. Dilbert: Luckliy, the three laws will prevent you from hurting us. Robot: Yes, because that is totally a real thing.
Saturday April 26,
2008
Tags due diligence, hidden issues, bad time, human buns
Transcript
The Boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to handle the due diligence for our alliance with the galactic protein corporation." The Boss says, "Find out if they have any hidden issues we should know about." Dilbert says, "Is this a bad time?" Human Buns
Thursday June 12,
2008
Tags mock interview, weasel, edit trainer, costume, human costume
Transcript
Dogbert the Media Trainer Dogbert: "Let's try a mock interview to see how you respond under pressure. Are you a stinking weasel trying to pass as human?!!!" Weasel: What gave it away? Dogbert: "Honestly, it was a lucky guess."
Thursday August 21,
2008
Tags charitable giving, unintended consequences, hobo, east side, human flesh
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Our charitable giving has caused some unintended consequences." Dilbert says, "It sparked a hobo war. The east side of the city is in flames." The Boss says, "Well, it could be worse." Dilbert says, "They tasted human flesh, and they like it."
Tuesday February 02,
2010
Tags meeting, letter, ceo, reading, good fortune, share, winery, wine, angry, helicopters, human chess board, frighten, dwarves, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Our CEO wants to share his good fortune with all employees." The Boss says, "He invites all of you to visit his winery and buy his non-award-winning wine at nearly retail prices." The Boss says, "He asks that you not park your helicopters near his human chess board because it frightens the dwarves."
Tuesday March 16,
2010
Tags meeting, coworker, software, product, sitting, technical issue, understand, terms, comprehension level, human, squirrel, anvil, awkward, community college, business, engineering
Transcript
The Boss says, "Dilbert, explain to Logan the technical issue in terms he can understand." Dilbert says, "Sure. What's his comprehension level? Are we talking human, squirrel or anvil?" The Boss says, "Which one am I?" Dilbert says, "Don't make this awkward." The Boss says, "Did the squirrel go to a community college?"
Thursday May 20,
2010
Tags computer problem, human error, stupid, mock, cabbage
Transcript
The Boss says, "Was it human error?" Dilbert says, "I doubt it" Dilbert says, "No human would be that stupid. My best guess is that a cabbage got access to your computer." The Boss says, "Cabbbages can't use computers." Dilbert says, "Can they tell when they're being mocked?"
Tuesday May 25,
2010
Tags volunteer, project, not enough resources, flunky, scared, sucky, laugh, smile, puppet boy, dance, happy
Transcript
Alice says, "Guess what, Ted? I volunteered to run a critical project while knowing I don't have enough resources." Alice says, "When it becomes a crisis, I will delcare martial law and order you to become my flunky." Alice says, "In your face, puppet boy!" Ted says, "This day is turning out to be a little extra sucky."


