Insult Dead Comic Strips - Page 24

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306 Results for Insult Dead

View 231 - 240 results for insult dead comic strips. Discover the best "Insult Dead" comics from Dilbert.com.

One Missile

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One Missile - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hiding, off the grid, surveillance, spying, drone, emergency, drone strike, hacker

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G-Man 1: One of our drones found the fugitive hacker Dilbert in a remote forest. He ate a poisonous berry and will be dead in minutes. Can I light him up for practice? G-Man 2: One missile. They're pricey.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employee, Advice, health, wellness, money, cost, work ethic, fatigue, Family, marriage, support, insult, relationships

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Dilbert: The long hours of work are taking a toll on my body. Can I take some time off for my health? Boss; That would defeat the whole point of being an employee. You are supposed to be trading your health and happiness for money. Then you give that money to your family and watch them spend it while you eat yourself to death. It's a circle of life sort of thing. Dilbert: I'm not married. Boss: Loser.

Advice

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Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ego, talking, conversation, Advice, insult, insulting, suggestion

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Coworker: Do you want some advice? Dilbert: Nope. Advice is just ego and ignorance disguised as helpfulness. Coworker: Then how will I hear myself talk? Dilbert: The supply cabinet has an awesome echo.

Removing Obstacles

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Removing Obstacles - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hinder, hinderance, obstacle, obstacles, management, managers, insult, zinger, zing

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Boss: My job is removing obstacles. Asok: When do you leave? Dilbert: I think he was going in a different direction.

Hire Smarter People

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Hire Smarter People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags leadership, success, insult, power, compliment, backhanded compliment, ego, humility, humble

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CEO: The secret to my success is that I hire people who are smarter than me. And then I tell those smart people exactly what to do. It keeps you humble. Dilbert: Good, because all of this was starting to go to my head.

Ted Died Last Week

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Ted Died Last Week - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags listening, listen, listener, silence, death, dead, attention, medical

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Dilbert: Ted died in his cubicle. Alice: When? Dilbert: About a week ago. They just found him. Alice: Remember when I said Ted is an unusually good listener? I have new data.

Teeth Brushing Accident

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Teeth Brushing Accident - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags insult, criticism, presentation, stupid, mean

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Coworker: Are there any questions about my presentation? Alice: Yes. Did you brush your teeth too aggressively and accidentally stab yourself in the brain? Coworker: Can you be more specific? Alice: Frontal lobes?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, unemployment, replacement, obsolete, app, job, jobs, dating, logic, business, relationships

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Woman: ...and that's what I do for a living. What do you do? Dilbert: I'm building an app that will make your entire industry obsolete. I'm almost done. It looks pretty good. Woman: You're destroying my life! Dilbert: No, I'm only making the app. The app will be destroying your life. Woman: This got awkward, but I'm attracted to smart men, so... would you like to go out this weekend? Dilbert: I don't think that's a good idea. I can't get past your dead-end career.

Tina Gost Writes About Success

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Tina Gost Writes About Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, humility, insult, humble, ghostwriter, biography, Advice, business

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Boss: Tina, a business publication asked me to write an article about success. I need you to ghostwrite it. Make me look wise, yet humble at the same time. Tina: "Hire employees that are smarter than you. In my case, that includes all adults, most children, and an alarming number of dolphins.

People Keep Stealing His Ideas

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People Keep Stealing His Ideas - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, honesty, insult, conversation, ideas

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Coworker: People keep stealing my ideas! Dilbert: Maybe that is an illusion caused by the fact that your ideas are both old and obvious. Were you hoping for a less honest reaction? Coworker: I kinda was.