Pay Slip Comic Strips - Page 24
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Boss: Our CEO says I need to motivate you with a feeling of engagement, not higher pay. The long-term goal is to get you to pay us for the privilege of working here. I heard words I didn't know were words. CEO: Try giving her more engagement.
Dilbert: I can't get one of my team members to do any work. I'm hoping you can talk to his boss. Boss: I don't want to make waves. Dilbert: It's your job to make waves! They pay you to make waves, you worthless pile of stupidity! Oops. Wally: I heard you made waves. How'd that work out? Dilbert: Surprisingly bad.
CEP presents to the board of directors CEO: An underling made these powerpoint slides and I don't understand them. But it doesn't matter because all of you are too preoccupied with your day jobs and mistresses to pay attention. Who votes to give me a huge bonus just to end this meeting?" Aye Aye Aye
The Boss says, "I've decided that your tiny company will give us an interest-free loan." The Boss says, "There's no paperwork to sign. We'll just pay your invoices late while snortling." The Boss says, "This is the part where you realize your negotiating leverage is limited." A man, "I demand no snortling!"
The Boss says, "Your salary is already above the midpoint for your pay range." The Boss says, "Excuse me while I remove a sock to explain what will happen to your pay going forward." The Boss says, "Let's say the sock is inflation and my hand is your paycheck."
Man says, "I cleaned out my desk. Would you be willing to give me a letter of reference?" The Boss says, "How about the letter 'L'? That seems about right?" Man thinks, "Must? not? burn... bridges." The Boss says, "Too soon?"
Dogbert the Security Consultant Dogbert says, "Anyone without an I.D. badge is assumed to be an enemy combatant." Dogbert says, "Pounce on the intruder and shake him until his fillings fall out!" Alice says, "How much did we pay for that advice?" Dogbert says, "It's free. I work for the dentist across the street."
Company lawyer man says, "The company owns Dilbertfiles.com and all of its I.P. Because you created it at work." man says, "So you'll need to pay us a royalty every time you use the name 'Dilbert'" Dilbert says, "How did you get in my house?" man says, "There's a loophole in your door."