Technical Problems Comic Strips - Page 24

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

301 Results for Technical Problems

View 231 - 240 results for technical problems comic strips. Discover the best "Technical Problems" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2009's comic on:


Tags #performance, #review, #meeting, #suggestion, #insult, #ridicule, #angry, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Performance Review The Boss says, "You need to get better at anticipating problems." Dilbert says, "If I could anticipate problems, I wouldn't have agreed to work for you." Dilbert says ,"You seem angry, I did not see that coming."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2009's comic on:


Tags #telling, #confused, #relinquish, #change, #excuses, #reasoning

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Tina, you can't work at home anymore because the admins can't do it, and they're jealous." Tina says, "I'm a technical writter. Why don't you explain to the admins that my job is different from theirs." The Boss says, "When you find a big kettle of crazy, it's best not to stir it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #discussion, #news, #angry, #ridicule, #joke, #humor, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "From now on, we will refer to all of our problems as opportunities." Carol says, "One of your idiot spawn was playing with the oven and burned down your house." Wally says, "Camping opportunity?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2009's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #problems, #solution, #misunderstanding, #ignoring, #confused, #stupidity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "You're paying contractors to do work that I could do if I weren't always in unproductive meetings." Dilbert says, "You could hire temps to attend the unproductive meetings for me, and fire the more expensive contractors." Dilbert says, "Why don't I understand what you just said?" Dilbert says, "Because it made sense?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2009's comic on:


Tags #lazy, #new employee, #youth, #argument, #violence, #pain, #victory

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "And obviously I can't do anything until our floom vendor updates the glimrods." Man says, "I'll bitspew a protopatch to your glimrod array and you can get right to work." Sometimes a young engineer challenges the dominant work-avoider in the herd. Wally says, "Oh, really?" Wally says, "Too bad the router isn't configured to handle protopatch server traffic." Man says, "I'll remotely reconfigure the router to think the protopatch server is a hexadulian data compressor." Wally says, "If you do that, you'll crash the firewall and expose everyone at this table to identity theft!" Tina says, "Stop that! I have enough problems!" Punch! Wally says, "Never go network on me, kid."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2009's comic on:


Tags #customer, #hands, #refusal, #ridicule, #criticism, #germs, #angry

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to meet one of our biggest customers. She has some technical questions." Dilbert says, "Whoa! Get that disease-infested paw away from me!" Dilbert says, "Don't you follow the news? Shaking hands is so 2008." Dilbert says, "No offense, but you look more like a virus incubator than a vigorous hand washer." Dilbert says, "So why don't you pull that death stick back up your sleeve and we can pretend this ugly incident never happened." Dilbert says, "And if it's not too much to ask, could you exhale toward things I'm likely not to touch?" Dilbert says, "Okay, now that the pleasantries are out of the way, what can I tell you about our new product line?" Dilbert says, "We lost a customer, but I survived the meeting." The Boss says, "Next time, do it the other way."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2010's comic on:


Tags #wdnw system, #wally does no work, #meeting, #acronym, #lazy, #get coffee, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "I need to spend the next year optimizing the WDNW system" Boss says, "I've never heard of the WDNW system." Wally says, "You only hear about the systems that have problems." Wally says, "If everything goes as planned, you'll never hear about WDNW again." Boss says, "What does the WDNW system do?" Wally says, "It keeps our zeros and ones from accidentally forming tens." Boss says, "That can happen?" Wally says, "Not on my watch." Dilbert says, "How's the 'Wally Does No Work' project?" Wally says, "The acronym helped."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2010's comic on:


Tags #coworker, #change, #website, #case, #frustrated, #beaurocracy, #yell, #pill, #placebo, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman says, "I need a minor change to our website." Wally says, "Give me your business case for the change and I'll prioritize it for the queue." Woman says, "I don't have time to write a business case for one little change." Wally says, "I can't justify changing my priorities without one." Woman says, "GAAAA!!! Why can't we do the simplest things in this stupid company???!" Wally says, "Try one of these corporate post-traumatic stress pills to dull your memory of these events." Woman says, "What? Where am I? Who are you?" Wally says, "You were just leaving." Wally says, "They're placebos, but I find that they solve 20% of my problems."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2007's comic on:


Tags #ceo's meeting, #boos, #Dilbert, #status on technology, #platform migration, #nothing to hide, #100 drunken clowns, #beed in their underpants, #decline in morale, #pretending tow ork, #get fired, #hide things

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO Meeting The Boss: "I brought Dilbert in case you have any technical questions." CEO: "What's the status on the technology platform migration project?" The Boss: "Be completely honest. We have nothing to hide." Dilbert: "Well, okay." "The project is like a hundred drunken clowns with bees in their underpants." "I expect the decline in morale to lead to violence." "Most of us are only pretending to work while secretly hoping the project gets canceled after you get fired by the board." "It turns out that we did have a few things to hide."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2007's comic on:


Tags #vp of marketing, #describe prodcut, #marketing language, #overheat, #hottest prodcut, #know carcinigens, #appreciate life!

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert, the VP of marketing Dogbert: "Describe your product in technical terms and I'll turn it into marketing language." Alice: "Well, it tends to overheat." Dogbert: "'hottest product on the market!'" Alice: "All the parts are known carcinogens." Dogbert: "Makes you appreciate life!"