Tiny Raises Comic Strips - Page 24

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

242 Results for Tiny Raises

View 231 - 240 results for tiny raises comic strips. Discover the best "Tiny Raises" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manager, #inspiration, #entrepreneur, #risk, #irony, #catch-22, #creativity, #creative, #motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I want you to think like entrepreneurs. Dilbert: Should we take huge risks? Boss: No, the stockholders would hate that. Alice: Should we act as though we have no boss? Boss: NO. That would be chaos. Dilbert: Will we become billionaires if we succeed? Boss: Raises are capped at 3% this year. I'm just saying you should be more creative. Dilbert: and then we should act? Boss: No, that's when the problems happen.

Nano Robots Are The New Health Plan

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Nano Robots Are The New Health Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #robots, #invention, #health, #big business, #corporation, #nanobot

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: We're replacing the employee health plan with nanorobot technology. We'll insert tiny medical robots into their lower digestive tracts to keep them healthy forever. Boss: So, our plan is to shove robots up... CEO: Only until the robots can replace them.

Boss Is Bad Negotiator

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Is Bad Negotiator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #haggle, #money, #negotation, #negotiating, #raise, #salary, #trick, #eric scott

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I just learned that our boss is a bad negotiator. Wally: How bad? Asok: I just negotiated a 3.3-million-dollar raise for myself. And I want 80 percent of the raises you two get because I told you. Dilbert and Wally: 75 percent is our final offer!

Asok Is The Only Good Negotiator

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Is The Only Good Negotiator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accuse, #eric scott, #haggle, #lable, #money, #negotiating, #negotiation, #racism, #racist, #raise, #guest artist

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Did you both negotiate huge raises with our boss the way I did? Dilbert and Wally: No. Dilbert: Apparently, you're the only good negotiator in the department. Asok: Are you being racist? Dilbert: I will give you $1,000 to never say that about me again.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #advising, #teenagers, #parents, #Parenting, #tattoo, #piercing, #terrorism, #boundaries

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: My teenager wants to pierce his ear. Should I let him? Dilbert: Sure. It's only a tiny hole and it heals. Carol: Good point. Narrator: Next day. Carol: Now he wants a small tattoo. Dilbert: Well, if it doesn't show... Narrator: Next week. Carol: Now he wants to grow a human ear on his back, the way scientists did with that rat. Dilbert: As long as he can cover it with a shirt when he gets a job, I see no problem. You have to let him live his own life. Narrator: One week later. Carol: He joined ISIS. Dilbert: I forgot to mention that I'm no good at giving advice.

Weak Sales Reorg

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Weak Sales Reorg - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #money, #golden parachute, #greed, #logic, #sales, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our executive team didn't know what to do about weak sales. SO they reorganized the company and gave themselves new titles and big raises. They still don't know what to do about weak sales, but they report being happier about the situation.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logic, #no-win, #deadline

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Are these user specifications complete? I ask because any later changes will cause me to miss the deadline. Man: What if I only need a tiny change later? Wally: I'm counting on it. That way I can blame you when I miss the deadline. Man: How do most people handle this situation? Wally: Well, the pessimists know they're doomed, so it's no surprise to them when it happens. Man: What do the optimists do? Wally: They become pessimists.

Compensation Based On Happiness

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Compensation Based On Happiness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #company culture, #raise, #wages, #job satisfaction, #compensation, #psychology, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: From now on, your compensation will be a function of your baseline happiness. We don't want to waste money giving raises to employees who won't get any happier no matter what we do. Dilbert: This plan makes me unhappy. Boss: Nice try, but you were already unhappy.

Carol Raises Money For School

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Carol Raises Money For School  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #family & parenting, #guilt, #office, #office workers, #sales, #sarcasm, #school

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I'm selling chocolate bars to raise funds for my kid's school. Dilbert: I'm childless, so I already subsidize your kid's education. Carol: I was hoping it would feel too awkward for you to say no. Dilbert: By my calculations, you owe me money.

Ai With Bad Analogies

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ai With Bad Analogies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineering, #questions, #robot, #technology, #humans, #rational

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My breakthrough in A.I. came when I stopped trying to duplicate human rational thought. Dogbert: You can't copy what doesn't exist. Dilbert: Right. So instead I coded it to spout analogies to sound human. Asok: Should I ask my boss for a raise? Robot: Trees don't ask for raises, so why should you?