2017 Comic Strips - Page 24
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Character
Saturday August 19,
2017
Estimate Of Timeline
Tags deception, deadline, goals, ultimatum
Transcript
Boss: How fast can you fix the bug? Dilbert: I won't know until I dig in. Boss: Give me a random guess and I promise I won't hold you to it. Dilbert: Okay, three days. Boss: Now write that into your goals and get it done in three days or else. Dilbert: Why do I keep falling for that?!!!
Sunday August 20,
2017
Tags human resources, certification, listening, corporations, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director Of Human Resources. Catbert: Don't bother me. I'm studying for a human resources certification. I already have my certifications for sadism and maniacal laughing. And, obviously, I have the basic HR certification for recreational downsizing. If you don't have that one, you can't even get a job in HR. But I need one more certification to make the big bucks. Now run along while I practice my joyless scowling. Dilbert: You talk a lot about yourself. Catbert: I prefer to think of myself as a non-listener.
Monday August 21,
2017
Tina Writes Product Warnings
Tags user guide, caution, directions, safety
Transcript
Boss: Tina, I need you to write the product warning section for the user guide. Make sure you cover every possible danger. Tina: "Never use this product while standing below a poorly maintained helicopter full of porcupines."
Tuesday August 22,
2017
Product Warning Is Coming Along
Tags user guide, safety, directions, overthinking, managers
Transcript
Boss: Tina, have you finished writing the product safety warning? Tina: I'm on page 357 with no end in sight. Boss: Okay, keep up the good work. I probably should have done a little micromanaging there.
Wednesday August 23,
2017
Gain Weight Using Product
Tags warning, caution, labeleing, weight, safety, medical
Transcript
Tina: Did I leave out any risks on the product warning page? Boss: I don't see anything about the risk of overeating while owning the product. Tina: Our product has nothing to do with eating. Boss: Then why did I gain weight when I used it?
Thursday August 24,
2017
Rabies Warnings
Friday August 25,
2017
500 Pages Would Be Rubbish
Tags writing, criticism, technical writer, warning, caution, safety
Transcript
Boss: You need to edit the product warning from seven hundred pages down to one. Tina: Oh, that's rich. I'ma professional technical writer, and you're telling me how to write? Boss: Can you cut it down to 500 pages? Tina: Sure, if you want it to be total rubbish.
Saturday August 26,
2017
Product Warning Is Too Long
Tags technical writer, instructions, caution, warning, safety, criticism
Transcript
Tina: My boss, who knows nothing about technical writing, told me to cut my 700-page product warning down to 500 pages. He doesn't appreciate my art. Dilbert: Sounds like both of you are idiots. Tina: This will go smoother if you stop talking.
Sunday August 27,
2017
Tags laziness, work ethic, excuses, motivation, projects
Transcript
Boss: I need you to add a feature to the software. Wally: That would be outside the scope of the project. Boss: Yes, but I'm your boss and I'm telling you to do it. Wally: You also told me to only do the things that are documented on the project specs. Boss: Okay, just change the documentation and then do it. Wally: If I do that, the project will be late and over budget. Boss: How many excuses do you have for not doing work? Wally: I'm just getting started. This feature will never work with the others.
Monday August 28,
2017
Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks
Tags rich people, money, stock market, investments, out of touch, obliviousness, stratification
Transcript
CEO: Hey, our stock is up two percent. I just made more money than you'll earn in your entire life. Remind me, do I leave you a tip?

