Catbert Comic Strips - Page 25
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655 Results for Catbert
View 241 - 250 results for Catbert comic strips. Discover the best "Catbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday October 05,
2003
Tags 401k plan, afterlife, charisma, evil director, expected - value basis, free software upagrdes, high potential reward, human resources, math, odds seem low, reward you in aftrelife, seventy versions, education, business
Transcript
Catbert, the Evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert: "Your 401K Retirement Plan will be replaced with a 401A plan." "The 'A' stands for afterlife." "You'll get no money in this life, but the company will reward you in the afterlife." Dilbert: "The odds of that happening seem low." CatBert: "Yes, but on an expected-value basis, a high potential reward compensates for low odds." "For example, how many free software upgrades would I need to promise you in the afterlife to make you work yourself to death this year?" Dilbert: "Seventy versions." "I resisted his charisma. But he got me with his math."
Wednesday October 29,
2003
Tags evil dircetor, comapnay, free cholesterol screening, bacon and cheese hoagies, free hoagies
Transcript
"Catbert: Evil HR Director." "The company will provide free cholesterol screening on Tuesday." "At the same time, we're providing bacon and cheese hoagies across the hall. It's your choice." "I hate him, but I also love him."
Sunday November 09,
2003
Tags company t shirt, not for temps, contractors, vendors, not size, downsized, leftover garage rags, morale
Transcript
The Boss: Everyone gets a company shirt! Its good for morale. The Boss: opps! Not for temps. None for contractors. Not for vendors. Nothing in your size. Not for people who might get down sized on Friday. I'lluse the leftovers as garage rags. CatBert: Did the shorts improve morale? The Boss: Sure did! I feel great!
Sunday November 23,
2003
Tags job applaicants, new batch, 500 qualified people, who wants job, pummel each applicat, very soft itmes, harder materials, sugar doughnut, their attitudes, upbeat
Transcript
CatBert: "The new batch of job applicants is more desperate than usual." "Excellent." The Boss: "Five hundred qualified people applied for this position." "Who wants this job the most?" "I plan to pummel each applicant with a variety of objects, beginning with very soft items." "Then I'll gradually move toward harder materials until only one person is left." "I'll begin with this soft sugar doughnut." "ZING. PIFF!" "Thank you." CAtBert: "How are theur attitudes?" "Refreshingly upbeat!"
Monday November 24,
2003
Tags evil director, cut costs, bottom of ocena, crushed by pressure, breathing issue, whiner, labeled a whiner
Transcript
"Catbert, evil H.R. director." "In order to cut costs, some of you will be relocated to the bottom of the ocean." "Wouldn't we be crushed by the pressure?" "Every job has some pressure." "And then there's the breathing issue." "I label you a whiner."
Saturday November 29,
2003
Tags antivirus software, secretly create viruses, detected by software, spooky, underhanded, sneaky, criminal
Transcript
The Boss: Our company is going to make antivirus software. What's that tell you? CatBert: It tells me we'll secretly create viruses that can be detected only by our software. Catbert: Am I close? The Boss: You're spooky.
Monday December 01,
2003
Tags evil director, merger, extra work, must be reason, tax thing
Transcript
Catbert, evil director human resources. The Boss: "We need to tell our employees about the merger." CatBert: "They'll read it in the news. Why should we do extra work?" The Boss: "Other companies do it. There must be a reason." Catbert: "Maybe it's a tax thing."
Saturday December 20,
2003
Tags human resources, evil director, severance package, spittle, laugh, purr, bad package, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of Human Resources. "What kind of severance package do I get?" "I can't decide if I should laugh or purr, but there's definitely spittle in your future." "This is a bad package." "PURRRR-HA-HA HA-PURRRRR-HA HA-PURRRR!!!"
Friday December 26,
2003
Tags rehired, alice back, dulled instincts, first day abck, business picking up
Transcript
The Boss: Business is picking up. We need to rehire some of the people that we downsized. I hope the time off from work hasn't dulled their engineering instincts. The first day back is always the hardest.
Saturday February 14,
2004
Tags selling confidential data base, customer information, profitable, virtually untectable, highly unethical, modern times, facebook, commercial, branding
Transcript
The Boss: Did you ever think about selling our confidential data-base of customer information? It would be massively profitable while virtually undetectable, Catbert: But highly unethical. The boss: I don't know you any more. Catbert: Im yanking your chain . when do we start?


