All Year Comic Strips - Page 25

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View 241 - 250 results for all year comic strips. Discover the best "All Year" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #reprimand, #discipline, #excuses, #explaining, #raises, #news, #budget, #money

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The Boss says, "Wally, when you don't give 100%, it's unfair to your co-workers who have to pick up the slack." Wally says, "Actually, I'm pretty sure they like having less competition for raises." The Boss says, "There's no budget for raises this year." Wally says, "Yeah, I wouldn't mention that to the others."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competitors, #stupiditiy, #catching-up, #calling out, #graph, #matching

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The Boss says, "If we work day and night, we can match our competitor's features within twelve months." Dilbert says, "Are we catching up to where they will be in a year, which is unknowable, or where they are now, which is stupid?" Wally says, "Well played." Alice says, "I got the next one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bonus checks, #giving, #present, #proving, #resentful

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Dilbert says, "We pooled our bonus checks and got you this gift." The Boss says, "It's empty." The Boss says, "Oh." Alice says, "Better luck next year."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new years, #home, #sitting, #celebrating, #early, #losers, #floor

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Dilbert says, "It's new year's eve. Do you want to stay up until midnight?" Dogbert says, "Only losers wait until midnight. The Dogbert new year begins at 10 PM." Dilbert says, "It's 10 PM now." Dogbert says, "And I like to celebrate by giving myself a hug....mmm...."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wdnw system, #wally does no work, #meeting, #acronym, #lazy, #get coffee, #business

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Wally says, "I need to spend the next year optimizing the WDNW system" Boss says, "I've never heard of the WDNW system." Wally says, "You only hear about the systems that have problems." Wally says, "If everything goes as planned, you'll never hear about WDNW again." Boss says, "What does the WDNW system do?" Wally says, "It keeps our zeros and ones from accidentally forming tens." Boss says, "That can happen?" Wally says, "Not on my watch." Dilbert says, "How's the 'Wally Does No Work' project?" Wally says, "The acronym helped."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quality metric, #bid proposals, #magic powers, #sarcastic, #silly, #joke, #serious, #hand paper, #muggles, #harry potter, #men in black

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The Boss says, "Your quality metric for next year is to win 30% more bid proposals." Dilbert says, "No problem. I'll use my magic powers to control how much our competitors bid." The Boss says, "I worry that you're not taking this seriously." Dilbert says, "If the muggles find out, I'll wipe their memories."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #employee satisfaction, #chart, #point, #fire, #smart people, #stupid, #celebrate, #business

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The Boss says, "Employee satisfaction has doubled since last year!" The Boss says, "The credit goes to our new program of firing smart people." Alice says, "You're safe." Coworker says, "Yeff!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unholy alliance, #plan, #meeting room, #love, #cheese, #happy, #relationships

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Wally says, "I propose an unholy alliance." Carol says, "You have my attention." Wally says, "Reserve every meeting room under my name for the year. That way you won't need to do any scheduling, and I won't need to attend any meetings." Wally says, "Don't panic; that strange feeling is you falling in love with me." Carol says, "It feels like I'm eating cheese!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #project, #coordinate, #give up, #business

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The Boss says, "Make sure you coordinate with the brand manager and the category manager." The Boss says, "And also the clients, the account execs, the project leaders, strategic planning, facilities management, product managers, marketing, and I.T." Dilbert says, "All I heard was 'give up.'" The Boss says, "Let's meet again in a year."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #paper, #objective, #toil, #stockholders, #parasite, #managers, #write

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Dilbert says, "You wrote that your objective for the year is to?" The Boss says, "?Obscurely toil to increase the unearned wealth of our parasitic stockholders." The Boss says, "I'll add 'and managers.'"