Engineer Skills Comic Strips - Page 25
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The Boss says, "I have a great idea! Why don't we make our product social?" Dilbert says, "Because when you start to understand a concept, it marks the beginning of its decline." Dilbert says, "On a related note, it's never a good idea to ask an engineer a question in the 'why don't we' format."
Alice says, "I just saw in the news that Google gave an engineer millions of dollars. I'm underpaid!" The Boss says, "I'll speak to our director of human resources and see how I can fix this situation." Alice says, "Really?" The Boss says, "How can we stop news?"
Office relocation Alice says, "Your floor plan puts me between a loud talker and a chronic flatulator." Tina says, "I could move you to a cubicle between a guy who clears his throat all day and a woman who laughs too much." Alice says, "Is this because I once said you aren't smart enough to be an engineer?" Tina says, "Look what I engineered?" Office Relocation
Dilbert: So... you emailed our CEO and asked for funds to build a social network for our global supply chain. Dilbert: No one wants that, But it sounds good, so he moved all of our project funding to your dumb idea. and...you will produce nothing, Wally: said the engineer with no budget.
Woman says, "Wally, can you review this for any engineering issues?" Wally says, "What issues do you think it has?" Woman says, "I don't know. I'm not an engineer." Wally says, "Your request is too vague. You need to tell me what issues I'm looking for!" Woman says, "Did you just ask me to do what I just asked you to do?" Wally says, "I don't know. I'm an engineer, not a linguist." Woman says, "I've suddenly lost all faith in humanity!" Wally says, "On the plus side, you found an issue."
Dilbert: I was holding a virtual meeting using the cloud and... Therapist: you're already dead and you don't know it. Dilbert: um...no im an engineer. Therapist: and yet your should had a meeting in a cloud. Interesting. Dilbert: my people call it an avatar.
Woman says, "This isn't what I wanted." Dilbert says, "I know." Dilbert says, "Your communication skill are so poor that I gave up trying to understand what you wanted and instead put some random numbers on a spreadsheet." Woman says, "Why didn't you just ask me to clarify?!" Dilbert says, "Apparently your listening skills need work too."
Boss: Who wants to see a picture of my new boat? Dilbert: That's a very good question. If we consider the fact that we work much harder than he does... Carol: And we have valuable engineering skills, whereas he can't operate the GPS in his SUV... and for some reason we don't get paid enough to buy impressive boats. Dilbert: And we have no nautical interests whatsoever. I think your best bet is people who don't know you. Man: And you are? Boss: This only works if we don't get too familiar.
Alice: Steer clear of Darryl. He turned feral. Asok: Feral? Dilbert: That's what happens when engineers don't get invited to meetings. Alice: Darryl's only social life was meetings. Dilbert: He didn't get to use his social skills for a few weeks, and apparently he lost them. Asok: Is it like he turned into a wolfman? Dilbert: Yes, except he's better at math. And he howls at the Internet, not the moon. Asok: Can we watch? Man: How-ooo can you blog that?
Man: You're ignorant and ridiculous. I'm bored. Are we done here? Boss: You're hired. You must have awesome technical skills or else someone would have killed you by now. Boss: I can't tell if I'm a management genius or just lazy.