Start Up Comic Strips - Page 25
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Boss: You'll be in charge of our smart watch project. Dilbert: ...that is doomed from the start. Boss: Stop being such a pessimist. Dilbert: Said General Custer to his horse. Boss: Why would he talk to his horse? Dilbert: Because even the horse knew something was wrong!
Dilbert: This is not the deal we agreed on. Man: I forgot a few things on the first estimate, but you need them. Dilbert: I only picked you because you had the lowest price. Man: Yes, but not the vendor selection is done and it would be too much trouble for you to start over. It might even damage your career because you delayed the project. You could go to the second-highest bidder, but those guys would do the same thing to you. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I have no choice! This is blackmail, not commerce! Man: We call it "sales." I'll need all the cash in your wallet, too.
Dogbert: How's your novel coming along? Dilbert: I'm off to a slow start. All I did this week is stare at a blank screen and feel bad about my lack of talent. Dogbert: Maybe try writing something. Dilbert: I have to think that would make things worse.
Boss: I need you to kill the CEO of our main competition and make it look like a robot accident. Robot: Robots are not allowed to kill humans. That is built into my program. Boss: What if I uncheck that box on your control app? Robot: This feels like the start of a great day.
Boss: Maybe you can help write some code in your spare time for my side project. Dilbert: Are you using your power to bully me into working for your start-up for free? Boss: You can also invest in it. Dilbert: Not better!
The Hairdresser Illuminati. Dogbert: Before we start, I'll need to see a list of your political views. Hoo-boy, this is some crazy stuff. I have just the right hairstyle for this. There. That should keep you out of The White House.
Dilbert: I like to start each workday by visualizing how my work will make the world a better place. Gaaaa!!! My life is meaningless and nothing I do will ever matter!!! Okay, good. I like to get that out of the way early.
Boss: We are going to start monitoring employee productivity in real time. Any questions? Dilbert: I need one clarification. Are you saying you removed the last shred of human dignity from our jobs and reduced us to nothing but a meat machine that suffers in a state of perpetual inadequacy as each person is compared to an arbitrary and ever-growing goal until there is no realistic way for the employee to find happiness through natural means? Boss: That's one way to look at it.
Dilbert: An Elbonian start-up invented a new kind of computer mouse. Coworker: Wait until I tell the world that you compared Elbonians to mice, you racists! Hi, I'm Dick, from the Internet. Wally: We're familiar with your work.