2007 Comic Strips - Page 25

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, human resources, happy things, working, sensors, alert management, pleasure areas brain, blood flow, happier not knowing, business

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Catbert: evil director of human resources Catbert: "Some of you have been thinking about happy things when you should be working." "These sensors will alert management any time the pleasure areas of your brain have more blood flow." "I was happier not knowing." ding ding ding ding ding ding ding

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employe brain monitor, thinking, coffee, digestive functions, im blind!

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Catbert: "According to our employee brain monitor, you have not been thinking about work." "All of your brain activity is in the zones that control love of coffee, digestive functions and...uh-oh." "I'M BLIND!!!" Wally: "Oh, that one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags firing, let go, no money, budget, typo, request, planning reward, hard work

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The Boss: "Ted, I have to let you go, but there's a good reason." "There's no money to pay your salary because I made a typo in my budget request." "Until then, I was totally planning to reward your hard work."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags typo in budget, 2 things, can't buy, hardware, software, boss, offcie, engineering

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The Boss: "I made a typo in my annual budget request, but don't worry." "There are only two things you can't buy for the test lab this year." "Hardware and software."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ceos son, joining dept., intern, mentor, little spy, tell hi dad, list of compliments, go somewhere, three questions, desk, kill him

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The boss: "Our CEO's son is joining the department as an intern." "I want you to be his mentor." "And by mentor, I mean don't let the little spy learn anything about us." "If he finds out what we do, he'll tell his dad we're doing it wrong." "Here's a list of compliments you can give him." "Tell him his assignment is to go someplace and study cool motorcycles." "If he asks more than three questions, kill him." Intern: "Where's my desk?" Dilbert: "That's one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags project, 300 days, complete, finish by 5oclock, clean desk, fired, lose interest

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The Boss: "I hired all of you because the project will take 300 man days to complete." "There are 300 of you, so I want you to finish by five o'clock and clean out your desks. You're all fired." "If it takes more than one meeting to manage a project, I lose interest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags finished work, high profile assignment, create docuemnt, rout it around, how to keep intern busy

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Asok: "I finished all of my work, and now I'm available for another high profile assignment." The Boss: "Create a document and route it around for approval." Asok: "On what topic?" The Boss: "How to keep an intern busy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags elbonian, office, skunk, microwave, cooked, openminded

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Albanian: Which way is the microwave? "Thanks." Dilbert: "It's getting harder to be open-minded."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fired, incompetent, everything, teach dilbert, how to do your job

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The Boss: "Carl, I have to fire you." "You're totally incompetent at everything you do." "Before you go, I'd like you to teach Dilbert how to do your job."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fired, gross incompetence, train, before leaving, coded jave app, incompetent parts

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CarL: "Although I've been fired for gross incompetence, I'm professional enough to train you before I leave." Dilbert:"Don't bother. I already coded a Java app to do everything you do." Carl: "Everything?" Dilbert: "Except for the incompetent parts."