Nose Job Comic Strips - Page 25
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991 Results for Nose Job
View 241 - 250 results for nose job comic strips. Discover the best "Nose Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday April 20,
2014
Tags cleaning, engineers, coal break room, highest priority, mold grow, mutating bacteria, rapidly eveolved, sentient being, fueled by lunch, learned languages, job in hr, plans on firing, inappropriate websites
Transcript
Tina: You need to clean the break room refrigerator more often. Wally: We're engineers. We only do the highest priority tasks. Tina: Mold started to grow in there. Wally: That's no big deal. Tina: Bacteria caused the mold to mutate. Wally: So what? Tina: It rapidly evolved into a sentient being fueled by forgotten lunches. Then it learned language skills and got a job in Human Resources. It plans to frame you for viewing inappropriate websites at work and then fire you. Wally: This sort of thing usually works itself out.
Thursday April 17,
2014
Tags interviews, human resources, random statements, ostriches eye, bigger than brain, randomness, confession, job interview, approved questions, business
Transcript
Boss: I'm only allowed to ask interview questions that have been approved by Human Resources. And they haven't approved any yet. So all I can do is make random statements. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Interviewee: So is mine!
Wednesday April 16,
2014
Tags interviews, loneliness, accomplishments, job interview, hnesty, wrong motives, employment, make a difference, catatonic
Transcript
Boss: Describe your biggest accomplishment from your last job. Interviewee: I made some phone calls and stuff. I think I made a difference. Boss: Do you want this job? Interviewee: Nah. Just lonely.
Friday April 11,
2014
Tags executives, acting ceo, back slapping, firing people, slaps off roof, abuse of power, sacrifice
Transcript
Acting CEO Boss: No one told me what I'm supposed to do in this job. Catbert: 80% of the job is back-slapping and firing people. Boss: Good job, Ted. But not good enough.
Monday April 07,
2014
Tags anger, interrupting work, jargon, meeting with boss, not enough passion, stupid trendy, performance evaluation
Transcript
Boss: You don't show enough passion for your job. Dilbert: Stop interrupting my work with your stupid, trendy management jargon! Was that better or worse? I don't know how to tell.
Thursday April 03,
2014
Tags avoiding, employees, frustration, managers & supervisors, nothing going right, avoid, business
Transcript
Boss: Uh-oh. Alice: Guess what's going right for me today. Nothing!!! Boss: I usually do a better job of avoiding them when they have problems.
Thursday January 30,
2014
Tags frustration, negative, good communicator, terrible ideas, be more positive, fixed now, good job, leadership
Transcript
Boss: You're being too negative lately. Dilbert: Am I negative or am I a good communicator surrounded by terrible ideas. Boss: Just try to be more positive! Dilbert: Okay, I'm all fixed now. Good job on the leadership.
Saturday January 25,
2014
Tags frustration, ignorance (knowledge), project team, forrest fire, dropping baby, analogy, available people, stop progress
Transcript
Boss: Alice, I'm adding Jeff to your project team. Alice: That's like trying to put out a forest fire by dropping a baby on it. Boss: I'm available to help, too. Alice: Okay, your job is to keep Jeff from doing anything.
Sunday December 22,
2013
Tags inventions, automate, drone, send drone, designed, hydrogen, wool sweater, humanity
Transcript
Boss: I found a way to automate the hardest part of my job. I used to do a log of "management by walking around." It was exhausting. Now I just send my drone. I designed it myself and had it built in Elbonia. The hydrogen makes it lighter than air. Dilbert: Hydrogen? Boss: Let's see what Ted is up to. He's wearing a wool sweater today. Ted: Oh, the humanity! Boss: Hold this.
Wednesday November 20,
2013
Tags boss, complaining, delegate, match employees, meeting, work ethic, apology, terrible job, business
Transcript
Wally: As I understand it, your job is to match employees with the right assignments. None of my projects turned out well, which means you did a terrible job. I'm not asking for an apology. Just follow your conscience.


