Contort Face Comic Strips - Page 25

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

327 Results for Contort Face

View 241 - 250 results for contort face comic strips. Discover the best "Contort Face" comics from Dilbert.com.

Alice Would Complain

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Would Complain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complain, managers & supervisors, assignment, business, technology, problem, solve

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i was going to give this assignment to alice, but i know she would complain about it. dilbert reading paper: i don't want it either. boss: do you plan to complain about it later? dilbert: not to your face. boss: problem solved.

Social Distancing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Social Distancing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, eighties, health, hug, managers & supervisors, practice, social distancing, virus, coronavirus

View Transcript

Transcript

boss with face mask: wally, i need you to practice "social distancing" until the virus risk has passed. wally: i already do that. i haven't hugged anyone since the eighties. boss: good job. high-five. wally: back off.

Carol Hoards

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Carol Hoards - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, health, office supplies, copy paper, hoarding, shortage, coronavirus

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert wearing face mask: we're running low on copier paper. carol wearing face mask: i know. i hoarded it all at my house when someone said we might have a shortage. dilbert: can you bring some of it back? carol: that would defeat the point of hoarding.

Sending Data To Elbonia

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Sending Data To Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, proprietary, data, elbonia, internet, monitor, activity, conversation

View Transcript

Transcript

boss with face mask: our security team says you have been sending our proprietary data to elbonia. elbonian with face mask: you can't prove that. boss: i monitor all of your internet activities. elbonian: i monitor all of your internet activity, too. boss: then let's forget we had this conversation.

Decisions Without Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Decisions Without Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags decision, managers & supervisors, business, time, compile, facts, guess, career

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert with face mask: i need a quick decision on this, but i don't have time to compile the relevant facts. boss with face mask: without facts, i would just be guessing. dilbert: it won't affect your career average. boss: why wouldn't it? dilbert: let's change the subject.

Version 2 Kills

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Version 2 Kills - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, upgrade, software, technology, version, health, issue, nonsense

View Transcript

Transcript

wally with face mask giving presentation: according to our newest data, 100% of the people who upgraded to version 2.0 of our software died the same day. wally to boss: but we don't think it means anything because all of them had underlying health issues. boss: how did they all have underlying health issues? wally: version 1.0 had some rough edges too.

No Human Contact

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No Human Contact - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags home, human, contact, self isolation, quarantine, coronavirus, health, oxytocin, lonely

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert at home: i haven't had any human contact for months. dilbert wearing face mask sitting on couch with dogbert: people need physical contact to keep their oxytocin at healthy levels. dogbert: get away from me. dilbert: maybe if we both close our eyes.

Sciencesplainer New

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Sciencesplainer   New  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sarcasm, business, sciencesplainer, meetings, interrupt, condescending, science

View Transcript

Transcript

boss in meeting wearing face mask: i hired a sciencesplainer for our meetings. he'll interrupt us every ten minutes to explain, in a condescending way, how science works. dilbert wearing face mask: why do we need that? boss: it's just something we do.

Mumble Ventriloquists

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Mumble Ventriloquists - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, boss, meetings, office workers, sarcasm, dumb

View Transcript

Transcript

Voice: That is a dumb idea, you pointy-haired fool. Boss: Who mumbled that? I can't tell with your face masks. Voice: Meetings just got a lot more fun. Boss: Who is saying that???

Why Use Tests

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Why Use Tests - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags diseases, health & safety, medical, office workers, sarcasm, pandemic, virus, diagnose

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: No face mask? Boss: I have antibodies for the virus. I'm pretty sure I had the virus last January when I had a throat tickle. Dilbert: I wonder why virus test kits exist when we can just ask people if they had it. Boss: I was wondering the same.